Do you think a lot about your marriage?
Is that an understatement?
Is obsessed more like it?
If you have marriage problems, you probably spend a lot of time and energy thinking about your situation. You probably analyze your spouse, your marriage and what happened to your relationship from every possible angle.
…And the chances are good that others have weighed in to your situation too.
Have you discussed your problems with a friend, a family member or a counselor?
An analysis of your relationship can be helpful. Talking about your situation can be helpful too. Most people find it therapeutic. But sometimes the problem with thinking and talking so much about your marriage is that it becomes a substitute for actually doing something.
Analyzing your marriage can be productive but if you want change, there’s nothing like taking action.
I once did a series of private phone sessions with someone who had been in marriage counseling for over a year.
In our first session, I asked what changes she and her husband implemented since beginning counseling. She said, “Well, no real changes but I understand our problems much better.”
I call that analysis paralysis.
The Greek philosopher, Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” This is true. But the un-lived life is not worth examining.
Thought and action are like husband and wife.
If you’re missing one, you can’t have a marriage. Rigorous thinking gives rise to intelligent action. And action gives critical feedback for further thought.
Ultimately, it’s the combination of the two that leads to clarity and a changed marriage.
Love is articulated in the vocabulary of action.
New thoughts and new words are useful and they inspire you to demonstrate new behavior. Otherwise, they have not served their purpose.
Marriages change because people change because they change their behaviors. That’s why way back you said, “I do” because it’s what you do, it really matters.
If you’re ready to think differently about your marriage and act in new ways that will change your relationship, join me for the next Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp. The next teleconference begins soon and the jumpstart downloads are available right now.