3 Things You Must Do Immediately When He Pulls Away

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what to do when he pulls away

One of the hardest things to do in relationship-skills land is deciding what to do when he pulls away from you.

He may have completely ended your relationship or you might just sense that things aren’t the same as they were before.

Either way, I know how terrible and scary it feels when a man pulls away and you fear losing him forever.

The worst part about is that if you aren’t actually broken up, your emotions about what he’s doing can actually sabotage the relationship you’re trying to save.

And those emotions can get so intense they cloud your better judgement.

It’s completely normal to feel afraid, weak and even angry at a man who has withdrawn from you.

The good news is that if you handle a man’s distance the right way, your behavior can actually make your relationship stronger in the long run.

If things happen to be going really well between you (YAY!), read anyway, since this is also a plan for the next time he pulls away from you (because it WILL happen, and no, that doesn’t mean things are completely doomed between you).

Here’s my 3 step process for what to do when you feel like your man has pulled away:

1. Pause.

Sometimes what to do when he pulls away is more about what NOT to do than anything else.

When you sense that he’s withdrawing from you (or worse, you get dumped), I want you to stop everything.

Match his withdrawal with your own.

Take time to gather your thoughts, marshall your inner strength and get back to your emotional center. The negative feelings of fear and anger over a man’s distance need time to be calmed and worked out in private– away from him. Give yourself the gift of this space. Stop worrying about what he’s doing.

It doesn’t matter whether you feel like confronting him, venting your feelings, sharing something, trying to bring him closer— pause. Do nothing is actually doing something very powerful.

Remember that there is absolutely no urgency in ANY interaction with a man (unless he’s down on one knee… and even then).

2. Distract yourself.

This needs repeating:

“There is absolutely no urgency in ANY interaction with a man”

Slow yourself way down and go do something else for a little while to get your mind off him for a bit.

Sometimes when you give yourself some time, perspective shows up. Do not seek him out, ask him what’s wrong or in any way try to get his attention. Let him have all the distance in the world. Try throwing yourself into something new like a hobby or volunteer work. 

3. Manage your mixed emotions when he does get in touch.

If you give him space, he’ll naturally start to get curious about what you’re up to because he will have time to think about you.

However, a man’s return after he has pulled away— depending on your personal circumstances— usually brings up really mixed emotions. You may be thrilled to hear from him and angry he was distant.

Once he does get in touch with you and/or become more emotionally present, you absolutely MUST NOT vent any negative emotions at all.

This can be really hard since you might want to give him an earful about how unfair and ridiculous he’s been acting. I get it, I truly do.

It helps to think about it this way. If you lash out at him when he eventually reaches out and becomes vulnerable, you are punishing him at the exact time he is finally doing what you want.

Punishing him for what men do naturally (taking space… as infuriating as it is) will completely destroy your relationship over the long term.

There are A TON of reasons why men pull away— and lots of them have nothing to do with you or your relationship with him.

However, if you choose to vent your anger, he’ll start to feel like it was about you. He will feel trapped in your relationship which WILL make him bolt for certain.

Since that’s the exact opposite of what you want, you must use SUGAR and not vinegar to catch that fly when he returns. It can be frustrating that he is oblivious that he was doing anything at all. If you’re going through this, I completely understand.

Are you frustrated by a man who is ignoring your calls or is taking you for granted?

Do you wish your man were more attentive, loving, and noticed you more?

If you’re sick of taking second place in your relationship and feeling unloved, even lonely…

There are 3 seemingly harmless questions that will change everything and awaken his overwhelming feelings of love and devotion for you.

Find out what they are here:

3 harmless questions that will awaken his love and devotion.

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is the founder of Attract The One.

Her popular program Ex Attraction Formula, has helped hundreds of women reunite with their men. She is thrilled to have helped so many people reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Mogul, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, Femalista, Popsugar, Read Unwritten, Medium and many more.

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