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- 4 Odd Signs The Person You Just Started Dating Is Seriously Bad News
- Too Damaged To Date: 8 Ways To Avoid Letting The Past Ruin Your Future
- What I Learned From Dating 12 Men in 6 Months
- Is It Possible To Have a Good Relationship With Your Polar Opposite?
- Are You An Introvert? How To Date Without Driving Yourself Crazy
- The Extroverted Woman’s Guide to Dating (and Mating With) An Introvert
- 18 Real Online Dating Lessons I Learned the Hard Way
- Why You Should Hold Out For “The Stomach Flip” Before Deciding If He’s Right For You
- “I met this great guy online, how do I get him to ask me out?”
5 Signs Your Crappy Valentine’s Day Relationship Will Fail (And What To Do Instead)
It’s the month of love, and you find yourself quickly moving into a just-in-time Valentine’s Day relationship with an attractive, nice, good-on-paper man.
After all, you don’t want to be THAT girl on Valentines Day again–finishing a bottle of house chardonnay alone at home, crying as you watch a made-for-TV Lifetime special starring Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott as they discover their love for one another via some cliché storyline. In between sobs you stuff your face with self-bought, drug store Valentines Day chocolate like it’s The Last Supper.
“This year will be different.” You think to yourself confidently as you imagine a perfect Valentines Day filled with champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries and sexy-time with your soon-to-be BF.
You are on your fourth date with the good-on-paper man and although you two barely know each other, after a few glasses of wine he asks you to be his girlfriend. You feel yourself getting flustered—and quickly take off your sweater while gulping the last two ounces of your wine.
“Fuck it” you think, “I’m getting flowers this year.”
You reply with a delighted and giggly, “Yes!”
Before you know it, Valentines Day comes and goes and you enjoyed all of its’ perks with your newly-minted BF: chocolate, champagne, free dinner and several late-night shagging sessions. But now your chocolate box is empty and you are questioning your relationship.
If any of the following 5 things describe you/your feelings towards your Valentines Day beau then you may not be ready for this relationship.
1. You Feel Overwhelmed
After diving into the world of couplesville headfirst expecting to be happy and lovey-dovey, you find yourself on the opposite end of the spectrum, lusting after your former single status as though it’s Brad Pitt via 1994.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by your relationship to the point of becoming stressed out and/or unhappy, then you need to take a few minutes to sit alone and listen to your thoughts. Are they primarily negative when you think about your relationship and partner?
2. He Seriously Annoys You
Your relationship has just begun and already little things such as the way your boyfriend chews (you find yourself questioning: was he raised by wild boars?) or says a certain word (did he seriously just say ‘ight?’ in the place of ‘alright?’) annoys you and makes you cringe.
Your boyfriend might be the nicest guy in the world, but that doesn’t mean he’s the guy for you. When you feel irritated by your partners habits and/or personality traits early on ask yourself what you really find intolerable- him or the relationship.
3. You Feel Trapped and Out Of Control
Do you feel like a bird with clipped wings? If you answered yes, you’re probably not ready for a commitment, and you should instead spend more time figuring out who you are and what you want out of this life.
A healthy relationship will empower you and you will feeling happy, free and present. Feeling suffocated rather than enabled is a telltale sign that your relationship isn’t working.
Instead of feeling trapped by your partner and the confines of your commitment, be honest and cut ties sooner rather than later. There’s no reason to stay in a relationship where you feel unhappy and/or trapped—it does not serve you or your partner.
4. You Just Aren’t Invested
You’re not bringing your entire self into the relationship. You remain distant and you’re rarely present when you and your BF are together and you find yourself thinking about all of the other things you could/should be doing with your time while occupying yourself with idle activities such as updating your Facebook status and liking instagram photos.
There is nothing more valuable in this world than time. No day or experience is promised to any of us, so it is up to each one of us to make the most of our lives and invest our time participating in experiences that bring us happiness and love. If you knew today was your last day on earth, would you spend it browsing social media surrounded by the bad vibes of your broken relationship? Of course not—so why are you doing it now?
If you aren’t ready or willing to invest yourself and your time into your relationship then you need to find the nearest exit ASAP.
5. You Thought This Relationship Would Complete You
Society, Hollywood and various religions teach us we need to find the ‘Adam’ to be a complete ‘Eve.’ This notion is total bullshit and will have you desperately asking, “who am I?” in-between each break-up.
Getting into a relationship when you’re unhappy with yourself is like jumping into an empty pool and expecting to swim. You have to first find the water and fill your pool—meaning you need to discover who you are and what makes you happy before you look for a relationship.
Stop looking for your ‘other half’ in someone else and instead find it within yourself.
Every day when you wake up, start by asking yourself, “how can I be a better version of me today?” Make a list of goals you hope to accomplish, of actions you can take to be a better version of yourself. Whether that means volunteering on weekends, learning a new language, joining a gym or changing careers—take active steps to become a better version of YOU.
Once you feel happy and fulfilled as an individual, then you will intuitively know when you are ready and wanting to enter into a relationship rather than forcing yourself to be in one because you think it will bring you completeness.
So this Valentine’s Day celebrate yourself.
Buy your own bouquet of flowers, indulge your taste buds and splurge on gourmet (fair trade) chocolate and make a list of everything you love about yourself right now, in this moment. Read your list out loud over and over until you start to realize how incredible you really are.
Then, make another list of things you can work towards to become a better version of yourself — decorate it, make it beautiful and hang it up so everyday you see it and are reminded of the things you want to accomplish.
Be THAT girl—the one who loves herself and celebrates it, the one who knows what her happiness is, the one who doesn’t need a significant other to fit in or feel complete.