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- “I met this great guy online, how do I get him to ask me out?”
14 Horrible Reasons To Get Married
Here’s my list of the most common wrong reasons why people tie the knot.
1. You expect the other person to change.
Unfortunately this is one of the worst reasons to get married on this list. Imagine that you’re in a store and you found something beautiful that you’ve decided to buy. You take it to the checkout, pay and leave the store. When you get home, it changes into something else. Not the intended result, right?
When you get married while wanting the other person to change (whether the desired change is big or small), you’re expecting that once you get home from the store, he’ll be different. It’s unfair and unrealistic, but unfortunately common. If you think that being married will stop his wandering eye, this is a really bad reason to tie the knot since whatever you’re getting from him now, good or bad, will largely continue after the wedding.
2. You want financial support or health insurance.
Whenever the idea of gold digging comes up, I’m reminded of this quote (by I’m not sure whom) “If you marry for money, you’ll earn every penny.” The opportunity cost lost in wasting the best years of your life is incredibly high. Date with integrity please.
3. You’ve fallen for the white picket fence myth.
The idea that getting married and having a family will make you happy is sold to us all the time. It’s as though having the whole enchilada, house, kids and a family is a balm for our soul. It can be, but NOT if it’s not the right man and the choice is made with your eyes wide open.
Studies show that marital satisfaction starts off high just after the wedding and declines after the couple begins to have children. It isn’t that once you get the whole white picket fence shebang, you’re overcome with domestic bliss forever thereafter. Quite the opposite.
4. You’re hoping the relationship will change for the better.
Just like hoping that your guy will change somehow, it’s still unfair to hope that the relationship will transform into something better than what it already is. Statistically, before you get married, your relationship is the happiest that it will ever be. If you’re ridiculously happy with this man, then go for it. But if you aren’t, it’s time for a big huge pause.
5. You hope that with more commitment, you won’t feel so alone.
In our everyday lives, we turn to lots of things to fill the void. Whether it’s food, addiction, or relationships, often we cast around looking for something, anything, to help us not feel like we’re alone.
Sometimes we imagine that if we could just meet someone and settle down, we might not feel that nagging sense of unfulfilled energy that actually comes from not slaying the unmet passion dragons in our lives. The sad part about this is that when we look for someone else to fill this void, we’re simply placing too much responsibility for our happiness on someone else.
6. Your parents are happily married.
My parents have been married happily for a long time. I assumed for a long time that I wouldn’t succeed in having the fairy-tale relationship that I imagined they did (because I’m sometimes fatalistic and overdramatic). On the other side, that made me consciously look for the kind of relationship that they had, thinking that was the ideal. While they have a great relationship, the pedestal I put them on isn’t realistic or a reason to pursue my own commitment.
7. You got pregnant.
If the relationship is wrong, a baby won’t make it right. Plus, if you decide to keep the baby, you have something larger than a commitment, you have flesh and blood that ties you together for the rest of your lives. The idea that you have to tie the knot to have the child be legitimate is antiquated.
8. You WANT to get pregnant.
You might be listening to your biological clock tick so loudly that you can’t hear anything else. You might be considering actually stealing that cute baby you saw the other day. You might be hoping day and night to get pregnant. All of that is STILL not a worthwhile reason to tie the knot.
9. Your family is pressuring you.
You might not be able to get through a holiday meal without your grandma making comments about how you should settle down. Your mother might nag you every chance she gets about how desperately she wants to have grand children. Is this a reason to march to the altar and dutifully start having kids? No. Withstand the pressure and trust that marriage will come once you meet the right person.
10. Marriage seems like the next logical step.
Sometimes that relationship that is just okay wears on for awhile. It seems like the next logical step is to just go ahead and “make it official.”
You might feel a strong friendship with the other person or you might have no passion but tons of friendship. Either way, something is not quite perfect but you figure that you’re not getting any younger and you might not meet anyone else. This bird in the hand syndrome will come back and bite you in the ass later. Have the courage to make changes and find the right relationship.
11. He asked.
Whether you expected that he’d propose or not, he has, and in the moment you said YES! without thinking about it. Now, there are nagging doubts. Serious ones that keep you up at night, but you don’t want to hurt his feelings or stop the wedding machine that geared up the second that you put that shiny ring on your finger.
If this is you, I know how much it sucks. I called off a wedding once, a long, long time ago. But I’m still alive, and he’s off somewhere happily married… to someone else. If I had gone through with it, I’m sure it would have been the biggest mistake of my life. In the moment, I said yes. My gut said, NO. In the months afterward, it wasn’t a fun time, but
12. You want a big beautiful wedding.
If you grew up fantasizing about your wedding, wanting something big and gorgeous is hard to shake. Allow me to impress upon you that the wedding really is ONE day. It might be gorgeous, perfect and even featured in Bride magazine, but a great wedding does not correlate with a great marriage.
The wedding really is one day with a lot of planning leading up to it. You had better be thrilled to wake up next to the other person the next day, because once it’s over, forever can hit you like a ton of bricks and you’d better want to be there.
13. You’re tired of being single.
I remember being single really, really well. It went on for what seemed like a long time. I can remember flip flopping between wanting to get married and wanting to give up entirely. The thing is, when it feels like you’re going through a drought, any water will do. The first relationship with anyone half decent can make you want to grab on with both hands even if it’s not quite right for you.
14. Your friends are all doing it.
In the sweet spot, right in my late 20’s, it seemed like my friends were all getting married one by one. After feeling like I was always the bridesmaid but never the bride, I ached for it to be me up there, throwing the bouquet rather than catching it. This is a really bad reason to go out and marry the first person you have something in common with. It’s like getting the same tattoo as your best friend because you liked the tattoo artist.
Ever gotten married for the wrong reasons? Wish you could tell your best friend that the big white dress is NOT a reason to make a lifelong commitment? Tell me your thoughts in the comment section below.