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8 Subtle Signs Your Marriage is Falling Apart
Hey, Brad Browning here. I’m a relationship coach and from Canada. My bestselling program, “Mend The Marriage” has helped thousands of couples save their marriage from divorce.
If you’re asking yourself, “what are the signs my marriage is over?” today I’m going to share some subtle signs that your marriage is falling apart.
When problems start to creep into a marriage, they’re not always obvious.
Although most people think of marital problems as screaming matches or divorce threats, there’s actually a lot of way more subtle signs that you want to be wary of.
1. Your focus has shifted from “us” to “I.”
See, when you and your spouse first got together, you were probably in the ‘us’ mindset, right? You made plans together, you worked around one another’s schedules, and—well, it’s known for the honeymoon stage to end in any marriage, for spouses to sort of lip into their own personal routines. If the collective mindset has switched from ‘us’ to ‘I’, then that’s a sure sign that the marriage has some underlying issues.
2. Your spouse is no longer your go-to person.
There was likely a time when your spouse was the person you went to for everything, right? I mean, whether it was someone to vent to, someone to share your daily stories with, he or she, your spouse, was that person for you.
If either of you have started to turn to others for that role, then it could be because you’re communication is lacking. Remember– it takes openness and honesty for your marriage to be healthy and to go the distance, so if this isn’t happening, then that’s a very glaring sign that there could be trouble in your marriage.
3. You compare your spouse to others.
If you find yourself comparing your spouse to other people of the opposite sex, or wishing they were more like somebody else, then it’s a sure sign that you’re not totally happy in your marriage. And even if it’s hypothetical, once these kinds of thoughts are creeping into the marriage, it’s time to start—to take a step back and to look for whatever issues are actually causing you to feel that way.
4. You’re living separate lives.
So if a husband goes out for his buddies every night after work and his wife spends her weekends hanging out with her girlfriends, that kind of thing—if you and your spouse are living two completely separate lives, that’s a sure sign that your marriage really isn’t in a healthy place.
Don’t get me wrong, it is really important that you and your spouse have your own hobbies and interests, but it is also really important that your individual lifestyles don’t overtake your life as a married couple.
5. You wonder “what if.”
Contemplating what your life would be like if you made different decisions, like if you didn’t get married, or if you got a divorce—if you’re wondering that, if you’re constantly asking yourself about what life without your spouse would be like, that’s a sure sign that something’s up.
Happily married couples can’t imagine life without their partner, so this is why, when that happens, it’s a very obvious warning sign that something isn’t quite right. Head over to my website to find out more about what you can do about it.
6. You are keeping score.
Have you and your spouse been keeping tabs on who does what? Like for instance, is one of you making more effort to spend time together, or trying harder to make the other happy? Or on the other hand, maybe one of you has been noting all the things that the other person does wrong.
See, when marriages become a tally of who the better spouse is, then it may be a way for that spouse to convince themselves that they shouldn’t be together and shouldn’t be in that marriage. After all, marriage is about teamwork, not rivalry, so you don’t want to be keeping score, and if you are, that’s a clear sign that your marriage is in trouble.
7. You are roommates with your spouse, rather than lovers.
Now it is important to be friends with your spouse, but if your relationship feels more like a friendship than a marriage, it’s a sign that something is probably missing. Yes, it’s great to be able to order in a pizza and watch Netflix together, but unless there’s some sort of deeper bond, then it may be time to take a step back and evaluate the relationship.
A good sign to look for here is if you and your spouse have to put on an act and pretend to be a happy, loving family when you’re around others. If you’re faking it, that’s a huge red flag that the marriage is probably in trouble.
8. You’re not fighting OR loving.
As I mentioned in the beginning, often times couples don’t realize that their marriage has issues if they haven’t been arguing or fighting at all.
The truth is that even if you and your spouse are getting along great, if you’re not loving each other, then your marriage could possibly be falling apart.
What’s worse is if you’re not fighting because you’re bottling up your emotions, because when this happens, resentment starts to build and before you know it, you’re just a firecracker just waiting to be lit, right? So that’s why it’s so important to take the time to check in with your emotions. Remember, just because all appears well on the outside doesn’t really mean it actually is.
That just about does it for today. Thanks so much for reading. If you have any questions about what I’ve covered here, please just feel free to post those in the comments section below.
If you have seen some of these signs that your marriage is in trouble, I encourage you to act now to turn things around before your relationship gets worse. You don’t want to go from “my marriage is in trouble” to seeing “signs my marriage is over.”
There is still hope.
The best place to start is by watching the video presentation I mentioned earlier, where I explain what you need to do right now to make your spouse fall back in love with you.