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4 Steps To Reignite The Spark in Your Marriage (Banish Boring)
A marriage is a wonderful union of two people who love each other.
Nowhere does it say that you have to have much in common to fall in love. But, it is important that you find activities that you can do together to help strengthen your connection.
Hi, my name is Brad Browning. I’m a relationship coach and marriage expert from Vancouver, Canada. You may recognize me from my bestselling Mend The Marriage Program.
Today, I want to talk to you about how to find shared interests with your spouse and spice up your marriage.
Many people seem to think that a husband and wife are going to have the same interests. But that just isn’t the case. In fact, it’s common theme for many married couples to have completely opposite interests.
For example, maybe he likes to do guy stuff like watch sports or play video games and she likes to do girly stuff like scrapbooking or baking. When it comes to movies, maybe he’s a fan of action-packed thrillers while she loves romantic comedies and so on and so on.
Now certainly, some of these activities speak to the natural difference between males and females.
There is nothing wrong with husbands and wives having different interests based on their unique personalities and experiences. Just because you are married doesn’t mean that you should have to be a chameleon to your partner’s interests.
At the same time, you don’t want to let your interests just veer too far apart. When husbands and wives get caught up in doing their own thing a little bit too much, they’re often missing out on critical opportunities to connect with each other.
In fact, developing common interests and hobbies can not only decrease conflict in a marriage but it will also strengthen the idea that you and your spouse are a team.
As a result of having common hobbies, couples can often deepen their sense of intimacy, connection, and especially their friendship.
So here are 4 ways that you can find some common interests with your spouse.
1. Begin by sitting down together and brainstorming about the different things you have in common.
As you and your spouse go through idea after idea, try to narrow down a few important factors.
For example, does your partner prefer physical or mental challenges? Are there any past times they’d like to avoid? What were some of their favorite hobbies as a child? Maybe even ask yourself what hobby would they take on if time and money weren’t factors?
The point here is to get to the core of your partner’s interests. However, if the hour has passed on and you still can’t come up with any or agree with anything, don’t panic because I promise you will get there.
2. If you’re still struggling and nothing new comes to mind, then try looking at each other’s current interests.
Do any of these sound appealing to either of you? Maybe your partner’s ultimate Frisbee league has always sounded interesting to you but it’s something you have never tried yourself. Give it a go and see if you like it.
Obviously, you would not know until you tried and you might even discover the perfect couple’s activity for you to share.
If you’re sitting there thinking, “Brad, I already know that me and my partner have no common interest,” then try this out.
3. Make a list of all the things that you both might like but neither of you have ever tried.
Don’t limit yourself to physical activities either and think outside the box to keep your options open.
For example, maybe a daily crossword puzzle or something you would like to do as a team or maybe you want to volunteer in your community.
Perhaps you can come up with the remodeling project to do together or introduce one another to your favorite television shows.
Your options really are limitless. Who knows, maybe your newfound interests are going to become a life passion for both of you that you can share and enjoy together.
Since we’re trying to turn the focus from his interests and her interests to create a new category called our interests, it’s important to keep the communication flowing.
4. Once you’ve discovered a common interest or two, talk about your experiences.
Did you both have a good time? What did you learn about each other? How did that make you feel? Did it help to think of another new activity that you might want to try as well?
When talking about your time spent together, keep your responses positive and uplifting.
If you’re interested in learning some new techniques on how to reconnect and better communicate and make it more positive with your spouse when you’re chatting with them, feel free to visit my website.
You will find my full length presentation on improving your relationship and preventing the decline of your marriage.
While you are exploring new ideas and potential interests, it’s important that you don’t knock it until you have tried it.
Ladies, remember there are plenty of women out there that love softball. And men, there are tons of guys who appreciate gardening.
Some of spouse’s suggestions may sound unpleasant at first but again like I said earlier, you never going to know until you try it out.
No matter how long it takes you to find some interests that you both enjoy, do not give up. Keep trying out new activities. Don’t settle on only what your spouse wants to do. It is important to find something that you both enjoy so that you want to spend more quality time doing it together.
All right. So if you have any other suggestions on how to find new common interests with your partner, if you have any questions, please go ahead and share your ideas or comments in the section below.
And I also offer one-on-one marriage coaching to a select number of clients. And if you’re interested in that, you can learn more at my website.