What It Could Mean If He No Longer Says “I Love You” (HINT: It’s NOT What You Think)

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sad couple on bench

It’s not rare for a client to confess that their partner no longer says “I love you.” They’ll then express the heart-wrenching pain and the fear that maybe their husband doesn’t love them anymore.

Though our instinct is to move away from the pain by numbing (hello, ice cream!), I know that the best way to begin untangling our shame and pain is to step back and ask ourselves how our partner communicates.

Often, it isn’t that anyone has fallen “out of love,”; it’s just that as time passes and we move beyond courtship, people in relationships demonstrate their love with their own preferred love language (or combination of love languages).

If this scenario sounds familiar, it’s the perfect time to figure out your own love language—as well as your partner’s.

1. Affirming words.

When a client frets that her husband doesn’t send romantic texts or say “I love you,” this clues me in that her love language is affirming words. Hearing or reading words of affection make her feel supported and cared for. If your spouse’s love language is words, remember that insults are usually taken to heart and a great way to build intimacy is to verbally praise your partner and put notes in his lunch box!

2. Acts of service.

Wasn’t it Elvis who asked for a little less conversation and a lot more action? For some people, actions speak louder than words. Tasks like making his lunch and matching up his suits with shirts and ties speak volumes. Nurturing acts say “I love you” without the words.

3. Receiving gifts.

Does your sweetie bring you thoughtful gifts? Then it’s probable his love language is receiving gifts. This isn’t about materialism; it’s simply that the receipt of thoughtful gifts express the feeling behind the gift. If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, then forgetting a birthday or anniversary is hurtful. Saying “I love you” during the course of an ordinary week with flowers or a book by a favorite author will speak volumes.

4. Quality time.

Though we all enjoy quality time with our partner, receiving a partner’s undivided attention is what some crave. For a person whose love language is Quality Time, nothing says “I love you” like a quiet dinner with conversation. Want to make your partner feel truly special? Turn off the TV, put your iPhone down, and listen in! Quality time means sharing not only quality conversation, but participating in activities together. (Continue Reading)

5. Physical touch.

And then there are those of us for whom having our hand held feels like love. Physical touch isn’t just about a rich sex life; it’s about the affirmation of love through stroking or caressing our partner. Hugs, kisses, and the stroking of your spouse’s arm are all ways to show interest. It also fosters feelings of security and belonging.

As I had anticipated, my client realized that her husband regularly makes her lunch, folds the laundry, and always brings her funny gifts when he travels. Though he may not say those three words, he expresses it through actions and gifts!

What about you? What is your love language? What about your partner? What can you do to let your partner know you love and appreciate them?

Are you ready to peel away the need for perfection and strip off the masks you’ve been hiding behind?

It’s time to feel alive again. To be bold, feel sexy and reclaim your confidence. Find out how you can do just that by clicking here now.

Originally published at YourTango.com. Republished with permission from the author.

About Debra Smouse

Tarnished Southern Belle (and life coach) Debra Smouse can help you de-tangle the drama in your life, push away the need for perfection, and show you how to create a daily life that you love.

Your heart is longing to follow your desires. Get help figuring out “What’s Next” with Debra’s FREE ebook: Create the Year of Your Dreams in 2017: The In-Depth Guide to Discovering Your Word of the Year.

Are you ready to peel away the need for perfection, strip off the masks you’ve been hiding behind? It’s time to feel alive again. To be bold, feel sexy and reclaim your confidence. Find out how you can do just that by clicking here now.

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