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- Is It Possible To Have a Good Relationship With Your Polar Opposite?
- Are You An Introvert? How To Date Without Driving Yourself Crazy
- The Extroverted Woman’s Guide to Dating (and Mating With) An Introvert
- 18 Real Online Dating Lessons I Learned the Hard Way
- Why You Should Hold Out For “The Stomach Flip” Before Deciding If He’s Right For You
- “I met this great guy online, how do I get him to ask me out?”
Failing At Love? Maybe The Culprit Is NOT Letting Go Of The Past
Hey, Amy North here.
I want to tell you the story about a client of mine named Jennifer who used the P.A.S.S. System to get over her problems and find her dream man. I talk more about the P.A.S.S. system in my bestselling program, The Devotion System.
When I met Jennifer, she was, for lack of better words, a mess. But, that didn’t stop her from getting out there and meeting new guys.
The problem was, Jennifer hadn’t fully let go of her past. And she was bringing her baggage into her new relationships, which turned out to be a disaster.
When she met someone she liked, she would unknowingly sabotage her relationship.
There was Alex who she never trusted. Brian, she thought, looked at other women too much. Jeff was going to leave her for someone else.
The list went on and on.
The problem wasn’t with guys. The problem was with Jennifer.
When I met with her, I explained to her the same thing that you’re now learning, about how the past in the past.
The first thing we did was, we sat down and talked about her past experiences with men – the good, the bad, and the ugly.
We talked about the memories that made her laugh and all the good things she remembered about each of them.
Then we dug deeper and talked about the issues she had experienced and was still holding onto.
By the end of it, we were both in tears. But, by going through each of her emotions, she was able to pinpoint where her issues lay and it finally started making sense to her why she couldn’t find a good guy.
Her problem was her emotions had prevented her from opening herself up to all the men she’d met.
It was time to say goodbye to those experiences and feelings, to realize that even though she thought she had gotten over it long ago, she had never really accepted those feelings.
Then, she finally set them free.
It wasn’t easy, believe me.
Even after letting go, she struggled with the idea of actually letting go.
Letting go of the past is not an easy thing to do.
It’s basically asking someone to erase certain bits and pieces of their memories, or to see them in a new way. It’s asking someone to realize that their past doesn’t have to influence their future.
But, Jen did it, and I was so proud to see that she was ready to cross the line and not look back.
To get her started on using my P.A.S.S. technique, I asked her two simple questions:
“What would he be getting from the relationship?”
“What is going to make him stick around?”
Believe it or not, men actually appreciate many of the same things we do in a relationship.
A good way to realize what you have to offer is by thinking about everything you’d like to have in your relationship, and consider whether or not you are offering that yourself.
To help Jen out, I asked her some “yes” or “no” questions like, “Are you a loyal, committed person?” “Do you appreciate intellectual conversations?”
There’s even more to it than that.
For instance, you could be the kind of woman that’s great at showing love and respecting a man.
Or, you could be the nurturing and supportive type.
The list goes on and on.
For Jen in particular, she realized that she’s a very thoughtful, honest, and kind person.
These first few characteristics slowly snowballed until she realized that she’s an amazing catch, and any guy would be lucky to have her.
That’s when I finally got to see the confidence that I knew Jen had deep inside. For the first time since meeting her, I could tell she was genuinely happy.
Next came the planning.
With her new attitude and perspective, we worked on creating an imaginary life, if you will, full of all the things that Jen wanted to have in her future relationship.
It seems a bit cheesy, I know, but getting her to focus on the “do want’s” instead of the “don’t want’s” positively guided her to uncovering those things.
Before Jen left, I gave her a piece of paper that I had scribbled a note on. I told her to read it aloud first thing every morning and every night before bed.
It said, “I am strong. I am powerful. And, I have control of my life.”
I checked in with Jen four weeks later to find out she was doing great, happy as could be and loving life. She hadn’t found a man yet, but she was fine with that because she was too busy enjoying her own life. She knew she was where she was meant to be.
Another month passed, and I checked in again.
This time, Jen told me she had met a man and that things were going great.
They met at a mutual friend’s party, exchanged numbers, went for dinner a week later. Since then, they’ve been going to movies, to the beach, for walks, ice cream, the works.
Best of all, she told me that, “This one is different,” not because he seemed better or more this or that than other guys from her past, but because she was approaching the relationship with a new, positive attitude and open heart.
She sent me another email a few days ago, actually, letting me know how happy she is and thanking me for helping her get here.
That’s the thing.
Letting go of the past usually seems either easy or impossible.
The problem is that those who think it’s easy don’t understand the full meaning of letting go of the past. And, those who say it’s impossible aren’t willing to try.
If you follow the P.A.S.S. System, it’s really only a matter of time until it clicks and you’re free to find love again. Visit my website and watch the free video presentation there to learn more.
To learn the stupidly simple technique that makes men obsess over you, head over to my website and watch the free presentation there now.