Why Our Disconnection Is Hurting Us And How To Attract Real Love Instead

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self love, self acceptance, loving yourself

“If you wished to be loved, love.”

-Lucius Annaeus Seneca

No matter the decade you were born in, if you are reading this – chances are you’ve fallen victim to the Millennial approach to living & loving.

Our detached, confused and distanced social and emotional dynamics closer resemble some of the worst sci-fi disaster predictions more than they do a healthy, connected life. But, sometimes it seems to be the only thing we know these days.

We’re collectively hurting, and it’s become chronic.

Social Networks Distract Us From What Really Matters

In an era that’s replaced loving for one-night stands, traded human touch for a few internet-fabricated emotions, distanced us from one another and persuaded us that being depressed, dissatisfied, angry and confused are the right emotions to go with… it oftentimes gets hard to breathe.

Utterly confused and repeatedly looking for answers in what appear to be all the wrong places, we are continually feeling vulnerable, exposed, judged and (re)evaluated – whether it be through our physical body, mental engagements, social and emotional interactions or any other form of, simply, existing. It’s exhausting – day, after day, after day.

However, defense mechanisms, being as they are, have found their way to nest and lay little anxious eggs; instead of accepting the problems we’re are facing, we are actively (consciously or subconsciously) turning to various means of distractions that, apparently, “help” us deal with those problems.

Social networks – our biggest enemy and best friend – have become the safety net to fall back on each time we need a little ego boost and fabricated human interaction.

However, as much as social networks make for a fantastic distraction, they also make for a tedious insecurity trigger: how can one feel good (enough) about themselves and their “dull lives” faced with the land of plenty, the land of filtered, photoshopped, carefully selected snaps that tend to have a very powerful influence on one’s self-image and accomplishments?

Seeing someone’s toned, jaw-dropping body parade all over Instagram when you’ve got 20 more pounds to go doesn’t really feel good, does it?

Realizing someone’s on a road trip through Europe AGAIN when you have to stay at the office longer with barely 100 bucks in your bank account doesn’t really trigger self-love, right?

We’ve all been there.

However, this unhealthy social dynamic has become a very destructive modus operandi, reflecting on both ourselves and our immediate surroundings.

Accepting Yourself and Others

Who we are, what we feel, and how we act (and react) reflects on the people around us, provoking a reaction that may be either positive or negative (depending on our personal approach).

If we are actively unhappy or cultivating a range of negative feelings that we are unable to overcome, we’ll end up hurting the people around us or encouraging them to distance themselves from our relationships.

When that happens, the good old “That’s the way it was supposed to happen” mantra does work, but once it becomes a regular excuse coating your real-time social interactions, you are doing something wrong.

Hey, no one’s judging, behavioral patterns are a common thing – a common thing that needs to be broken in order for your life to get a happy, joyful flair. Really, why would you spend your life alone when you can spend it being loved?

Accepting yourself, as well as working on repairing your self-esteem and your circumstances, is the first step to self-love, happy life and successful relationships. Let’s explore that a little bit further.

It all starts with us – the way we perceive ourselves, and ourselves in comparison to others. We are actively mirroring our environment and this is precisely what may be causing the distress and self-esteem (in)securities.

Having a healthy self-esteem means renouncing self-sabotage and having inner stability while leading simpler, happier lives and being okay with who we are when the lights go out.

Negative self-talk and putting yourself down only leads to developing deeper negative feelings, anxiety or even depression.

Low confidence may be experienced due to a number of reasons: childhood issues, sexual, physical, or emotional abuse and discrimination, failing relationship, continual problems at work or in the family, the overall feeling of being a financial failure in comparison to others, etc.

Being down means not loving yourself (enough). That’s the number one thing you need to change.

Love Yourself To Attract Love

We’re powerful when we love and when we’re loved – that’s the gist of it. However, to attract love, we must first love ourselves.

Although this should be the easiest, more natural thing in the world, it may actually turn out to be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to learn to do. Self-love can be learned through a series of exercises you can do yourself or with your therapist.

Primarily, singling out the positives (i.e. all the things that you love about yourself and that you are proud of) and reading them aloud every morning and before bed is the first step. Let your brain get used to yourself loving you – it’ll take time.

Once you adopt self-love patterns that will not only make those silly insecurities like, Dоes he like me? Will he call me? Am I going to get that promotion? a thing of the past, but they will also turn your life into a playground of positivity!

Love has a very sweet quality of bouncing back (to you) when you know how to send it to others. Work on including positive things in your life, things that make you happy, and stick to them – even if it means keeping a list of those things on your fridge and following them every day, do it! Please yourself and nurture your soul.

When your soul is happy, you’ll ooze happiness, love and stability – and you’ll actively attract those same emotions back from others.

Once you get to that point, no Instagram villas, hot bodies, couples in love and expensive cars will matter. You’ll have inner peace and everything else that goes along with it.

Isabel William

About Isabel William

Body & Mind Balance Consultant. Lover of literature and philosophy, runner, and Tai Chi master. She believes that sometimes it is just enough to enjoy a really good book, smooth jazz and a cup of coffee to travel somewhere else.

Web: www.ripped.me

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Isabel_FWilliam

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