“I met this great guy online, how do I get him to ask me out?”

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How Do I Get Him To Ask Me Out

Hi Elizabeth,
I am a 51 year old single woman but I am chatting, sporadically, to a slightly younger (5 years) man I met online. He ticks many of my boxes, gorgeous, successful, very romantic, gentlemanly etc. I want to push for a meeting but I do want him to make the first move and ask me out however my hints seem to fall on deaf ears. Any advice on how to take the relationship from text to date without looking needy, desperate or taking on the male role would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance,

HowDoIGetHimInFrontOfMe

Hi HowDoIGetHimInFrontOfMe,

Online dating is a really tricky beast. Sometimes it goes smoothly— and other times it’s downright puzzling. Unfortunately, this kind of situation is the latter.

Here’s the problem with your situation. You don’t actually know him well enough right now to know if he’s really romantic, gentlemanly and the rest of the things you think he is because he hasn’t been in the same room with you yet.

Now, this doesn’t mean that he’s not really all of those things, it’s just that who he really is remains to be seen. Right now, all you have to go on is your perception of him through some text messages. And there’s a service that can do that. Who he really is remains to be seen.

Unfortunately, the longer this flirtation stays in the realm of him just sending you romantic text messages but not taking the plunge to ask you out— the more attached you’ll get to him.

One thing is for certain, he’s had ample opportunity to make the next move and take you out— and he hasn’t pounced on you yet.

And unless you get in front of him very soon, in person to see what he’s really like— and if his photos are ACTUALLY HIM, or if he has a tell-tale lack of tan on his ring finger— so far, all you’ve got is a fantasy.

Which I get that you understand already— which is why you’re asking how to get him in front of you— a goal that I support.

Except that if everything is good and normal, you shouldn’t need to try to pull this along. The fact that you do at all, is unfortunately a sign that it might not be all it’s cracked up to be.

However if you don’t speak up, you might never know. That’s why I think you should say straight out— “hey, so on (insert your day), I have an hour available, we should get together for coffee/a drink/whatever.” After he responds (hopefully positively), then you can decide what he’s like during the meet up.

If he stalls, is vague or ignores you, it’s time to call it a day and move on. He knows where to text you if he wakes up and wants to see you.

If your meet up is successful, then you can let him take the lead for the rest of the courtship.

I support the idea behind not wanting to take on the masculine role. The problem is that if he was fulfilling that role already, he would have already gotten you in front of him to see what you were really like. He’d be dying to meet you.

The fact that he hasn’t made the move to do it spells bad news.

That’s because someone who’s arousing your interest and proclaims that you’re doing the same for him— should WANT to meet you. He should get butterflies at the thought. He should be actively trying to plan something.

If put aside “his potential” for a moment and really think about it, normal, healthy single men are usually not bursting to overload with potential sexual opportunities.

Sure, they have the occasional opportunity, but that beast always needs feeding. Following that logic, he doesn’t have a chance of closing the deal in the bedroom ever, unless he can get in the same room with a woman.

And the fact that he’s not actively trying to get you in front of him so he could even potentially close that deal is a big, flashing red flag that something’s up.

So make your move and be careful. Sending you positive energy! Update me on how it turns out.

-Elizabeth

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is an author and founder of Attract The One.

Her popular program Ex Attraction Formula, has helped hundreds of women reunite with their men. She is thrilled to have helped so many people reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Mogul, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, Femalista, Popsugar, Read Unwritten, Medium and many more.

9 Comments

  1. Pat Riarchy

    August 29, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    This guy is doing EXACTLY what you want him to do.

    He knows that if he makes the wrong move at the wrong time because he can’t read your mind then he will be labeled as a
    He is a rat, pig, dog, snake, frog, douche bag, dumbass, loser, stupid, weirdo, thug, paedophile, rapist, ape, ugly, smelly, controlling, mean, selfish, arrogant, egocentric, animal, Pathetic, trash, moron, jerk, women-hating, worthless, lame, egotistical, gay, masculists!, hogs, emotionless prick

    He also well knows that you, being a female would take control of your own life and go for what you want e.g. him. He knows from females who have told him all his life that

    1. Whatever a man can do a female can do better
    2. Females are the masters of relationships.
    3. Females know exactly what should be said and done when meeting someone new which is why they openly criticise men’s ice breakers.
    4. Females are innately capable of running countries and corporations
    5. Females are super communicative compared to men.
    6. Females are naturally nurturing.
    7. Females have a natural urge to merge.
    8. A man approaching a female and chatting to her can induce HORROR in his victim
    9. Females demand ALL the privileges of men.
    10. The single men available to females are not good enough for females.
    11. Females are fed up with men “hitting on” them all the time.
    12. Females are fed up with men “checking them out” all the time.

    So, a man can be supremely confident that if you wanted to meet him you would ask him out on a date or you are just out for whatever you can get.

    He expects you to prove that you are an equal. He’s not looking for a dependent. He’s looking for an adult female partner who has also got her shit together.

    Trying to manipulate him and manipulate a man’s sexuality or your expectations of men thinking with their little heads are a complete turnoff for him.

    What have you got to offer? Sex?

    What you do offer is a whole lot of unneeded loss in his life. At this point in time, the only thing he knows for sure is that all you offer is a 75% chance you will ruin his life. And you are utterly not interested in proving anything different.

    I think this guy is a smart man. This is why he has the assets and income you wish to plunder. This is why you want him to ask you out. Then you can invoke the pay for sex rule. The one who asks the other out has to pay.

    Unfortunately, we men would rather treat you equally as you DEMAND. Your unwarranted expectations are why you are single.

    Since you are not willing to take control of your own life as he has done then obviously you are just an immediate financial burden. What do you believe is attractive in that?

    • Missy

      August 31, 2015 at 8:32 am

      Wow, bitter much?

      • Pat Riarchy

        August 31, 2015 at 3:27 pm

        Why would you say that?

        Is there something I have said that you believe is not true?

        • Missy

          September 1, 2015 at 2:55 pm

          Pretty much that whole screed reads like a bitter MRA. Have fun with that.

          • Pat Riarchy

            September 2, 2015 at 6:00 am

            What do you believe I have said that is not true?

            I’ll ask you 3 questions
            1. What can YOU offer a man other than a 75% chance you will ruin his life?
            2. How are YOU an asset rather than a liability?
            3. We know that A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle (which may be just more lies from females so it’s difficult to know what to believe). Of what possible use is a female to a man?

          • Pat Riarchy

            September 2, 2015 at 6:20 am

            Do you believe that
            1. Whatever a man can do a female can NOT do better
            2. Females are NOT the masters of relationships and haven’t got a clue how to start one and maintain one?
            3. Females haven’t got a clue about what should be said and done when meeting someone new so females have no right to criticise men
            4. Females haven’t got a clue how to run a country or a coporation
            5. Men are superior communicators compared to females
            6. Females are NOT naturally nurturing
            7. Females do NOT have a natural urge to merge.
            8. The female who said this is a Liar
            9. Females do NOT want to do everything men do
            10. The single men available to females ARE good enough so that is NOT the reason females are single
            11. Females LIKE men hitting on them
            12. Females LIKE men checking them out

  2. Missy

    September 2, 2015 at 8:03 am

    Bitter, bitter, bitter….

    • Pat Riarchy

      September 10, 2015 at 1:22 am

      Then you wonder why men don’t want you.

      You carry on like a parrot.

      You got no reasoning nor logic nor information. Just totally useless to a man.

      • Missy

        September 17, 2015 at 3:25 pm

        Hahaha!! Classic 🙂

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