8 True Reasons Why Guys “Pop Up” Months Later


why guys pop up months later

One of the more puzzling behaviors of the hot blooded male is his sudden disappearance (“ghosting” or “pulling a Houdini”) and subsequent lack of future contact. Usually his later contact occurs the moment… no the very SECOND… that you’ve finally moved on and quit thinking about him.

Here are some of the reasons why guys pop up months later (sometimes years later) after either a breakup or complete disappearing act.

1. He wants sex.

It’s a basic motivation, but it’s often easier for him to seduce someone he’s already been with than someone new. If he’s bored and wants to get some, you’re a potential possibility, especially if he can feel you out over text message from the comfort of his couch on Sunday night.

2. He had a random brain fart and wondered how you were.

Often his actions aren’t much more premeditated than a simple idle thought about you, then subsequent text message. He might say something funny or make an inside joke that you both shared.

For example, at one point I met this guy named James. In between non-love connection dates, James and I shared American Psycho jokes over text message. After a short time, he disappeared completely without warning— only to reappear six months later with guess what… an American Psycho inside joke. It definitely wasn’t a love connection, so my best guess about why he texted after months was that he wanted to see if I would even respond at all and… see reason number 1.

3. He’s looking for an ego boost.

If your breakup was one-sided, say, he knows that you wanted to keep the relationship going but he didn’t, it can simply feel good to call you and remind himself that someone (anyone) cares for him. This reason is usually subconscious and for sure, unflattering to you, but it’s a really common reason for a guy to come back months later.

4. Something reminded him of you.

You know how some song or smell will randomly remind you of an ex? This happens to everyone. Like an itch that needs scratching, something will make him think of you and then all of a sudden, there he is, saying “hey… whats up?” He might also want you back or it could be a total fluke. Men will also use this an excuse to talk to you after a breakup when they miss you.

5. One of his friends asked about you.

Ever been out somewhere with a friend and out of the blue, they ask about your ex? Does this annoy you as much as it does me? It’s like,“gah, I just stopped thinking about him! Thanks so much!” (sarcasm intended). This also happens with family members, acquaintances you haven’t seen for a while, etc. It’s frustrating because it’s usually after you’ve really made an effort to exorcise your ex from your life.

6. He finished dating that other girl who he dumped you for.

This reason sucks, but it’s actually pretty common. Whether you had actual unfinished business or not, often a guy will circle back around to a lukewarm relationship after he gave someone else a try and it didn’t work out.

This happens most after the demise of a long-term relationship. After licking his wounds post-breakup, then doing his “triumphant” victory lap around the singles scene, it turns out to not be as glamorous as he had hoped. Once he realizes that “sowing his oats” wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be, he comes crawling back hoping for an ego boost or potential reconciliation.

7. You are suddenly a challenge.

This is particularly likely if you’ve gone no contact with him or have been ignoring his communication. Like a puzzle waiting to be solved, if you have gone dark on him, he will want to break down your wall and see if he can get a response.

A sign your ex is teasing you is if he communicates with you, you respond, and he drops the communication completely all of a sudden. It’s frustrating and enough to drive you crazy wondering WTF.

Another common time this happens is if you happened to be a little bit clingy during or after the breakup. Once you go completely no contact and go to great strides to forget about him, he wonders why, feels challenged and *poof* there he is again.

8. He genuinely wants you in his life.

If you want him back too… reuniting with him can be in your future. There are other signs your ex still loves you, like remorse, wanting to discuss the breakup, and making an effort to get back in your good graces.

The concept that he might genuinely want you in his life is last on the list for a reason, it’s the most tricky. A guy genuinely deciding that mistakes were made and coming back involves a real leap of faith. If your relationship ended badly, he might have felt afraid to contact you up until this point. Men are more sensitive than women– event though they will never, ever admit it..

Keep in mind that no matter why he came back months later, it’s best to take a wait and see approach with him– especially if you liked him the first time around. Love isn’t lying around everywhere, so I urge you to at least hear him out.

Has this ever happened to you?

At first things are going great with a guy… there are the tantalizing texts and calls, flirty Facebook messages, and maybe things even get a little intimate…

Then IT happens.

It feels like suddenly something snaps in him, and he starts to withdraw… then out of nowhere he just completely loses interest in you.

Your texts and calls start to go unanswered. Soon he just fades out of your life.

To make things worse, if it’s happened once, it’s usually happened before.

What I’m talking about is something called “The Gap” and it’s perhaps the number one cause of unnecessary relationship problems.

The shocking thing about “The Gap” is how subtly it can destroy otherwise healthy relationships.

If you’re going through this or know someone who is, I highly recommend you watch this video now.

Watch this video to learn how you can bridge “The Gap” and use this powerful discovery to easily attract, connect with, and commit a perfect Mr. Right into your life today.

Ever had a guy come back months later? Tell me your thoughts in the comment section below.

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is an author and founder of Attract The One.

Her popular program Ex Attraction Formula, has helped hundreds of women reunite with their men. She is thrilled to have helped so many people reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on Tiny Buddha, EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Fox News Magazine and more.


  1. Brianna

    January 22, 2017 at 3:08 am

    I feel like the no contact period is absolutely ESSENTIAL in gaining any REAL perspective on WHY your ex broke up your LTR or marriage (in my case-10 years!) after having been through what goes down in history as the WORST breakup of my entire life.

    If and truly IF you EVER have a shot at getting your ex back, OR simply FINDING OUT WHY he did what he did you need MONTHS (NOT weeks…or A Month) MONTHS of no contact! They will NOT forget about you. YOU will make your value increase over ANY OTHER parter or potential partner your ex may, or may HAVE HAD In the time you’ve gone completely no contact and served him or her with SHEER RADIO SILENCE.

    They will be curious– anger or any other negative feelings toward you will be banished and your ex will be forced to reflect on his time away from you, and I will ALMOST GUARANTEE miss you, and get into some sort of contact. But you MUST BE SILENT. IT IS KEY. Definitely don’t answer calls or texts, Don’t look at his, or his new current lovers (or recently broken up with lovers’) social media. Stay completely AWAY and WORK ON YOUR LIFE as hard as it sounds…YOU MUST DO IT.

    In my specific case, one day, seemingly out of the blue, MY EX of 10 YEARS broke up with me and kicked me out of our home of 8 years that we shared (for a girl 22 years younger than we are) and appeared to never even LOOK BACK.

    We were connected at the hip for about 11 years prior to the breakup, including one year of the “getting to know you” phase. Before we even started dating, until he met said WAITRESS at a diner he frequents in our small town, and the rest was history. Or so I thought.

    Until now.

    When he recently contacted me, owning almost ALL of the breakup which he blamed all on ME at the actual real TIME of breaking up and throwing me out for this girl (6 months prior to the current time he contacted me for the first time)…. ALL BUT one small minuscule part…that is, the fact that he broke up with me because he was infatuated with this WAITRESS he JUST MET, and “fell in love” and wanted to ” marry her, have children, and spend the rest of his life with her, seemingly overnight, and couldn’t rush ME out of his life fast enough…so sadly I did something seemingly counterintuitive at the time and VERY difficult to do…

    I LET. HIM. GO.

    You MUST let them go without begging or pleading, because see, if you beg and plead when he is in an infatuation period with another woman, it only makes you look desperate, clingy, and needy. And there is ZERO attractive about ANY of those things. TRUST ME, IT WORKS.

    NO CONTACT ALWAYS WINS for both of you in the END. Because not only do you focus on yourself– something chances are, you were NOT doing during the later months or years of the relationship with them… Which in turn, decreased your attractiveness and turned him toward another or outward toward attempting to attract someone else. Then he will realize that it is HE who did YOU wrong by leaving you…AND EVENTUALLY will come back, and when he does, you have worked on and improved yourself so much without him in your life, that you are again the very person he was attracted to in the beginning of your first relationship…wiTh HIM.

    Then he has no choice but to see that and knowing that you can either move on, if you are deeply hurt like I was about him jumping into something so fast with someone else..OR you can reconcile. But that will be up to one person at the end of no contact. And that person is YOU. THIS IS IF HE BROKE UP WITH YOU.

  2. Jennifer D

    February 5, 2017 at 10:54 pm

    Brianna you are so on point!!!

    I went through something similar with my ex who I was deeply in love with except we were together for 6 months. He broke up with me in a text, it was horrible and traumatic for me. His reason was he was not ready for a serious relationship after being newly clean and sober. We never fought and for the most part got along really well. I was also close with his family. I never texted, begged or pleaded after the break up.

    I did write him a closure letter after 7 months of no contact and he replied apologizing for the way he ended it. We wished each other well and that was it. I contacted him again this past April to let him know that he gave me HPV! 😢 He was extremely apologetic and had no idea he had it, he thanked me for letting him know, that was 9 months ago and absolutely no contact since then.

    Just recently he started following me on Instagram! I followed him back a couple of days later but so far he hasn’t texted. Everything you said really makes sense and I do still love him so I’m open to possibly reconciling if that presents itself but only if he’s ready and has matured. Thanks for your post it really helped😀 Jennifer

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