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- What I Learned From Dating 12 Men in 6 Months
- Is It Possible To Have a Good Relationship With Your Polar Opposite?
- Are You An Introvert? How To Date Without Driving Yourself Crazy
- The Extroverted Woman’s Guide to Dating (and Mating With) An Introvert
- 18 Real Online Dating Lessons I Learned the Hard Way
- Why You Should Hold Out For “The Stomach Flip” Before Deciding If He’s Right For You
- “I met this great guy online, how do I get him to ask me out?”
What to Do When Your Ex Contacts You During No Contact
So you’ve been following the no contact rule in our few weeks into it.
Things are going OK.
You are trying your best to stay busy and slowly but surely you’re feeling less and less tempted to reach out to your ex.
Suddenly, out of the blue, he calls. What do you do?
Hey, my name is Amy North. I’m a relationship and dating coach from Vancouver, Canada. Today, I’m going to explain what to do when your ex contacts you during no contact.
So often, I get asked this so I figured I would clear the air and break it all down for you. So let’s begin.
As you probably already know, the no contact period is about removing yourself from your ex’s life for about 30 days and making him miss you.
Chances are that if he’s reaching out to you, it’s because the no contact period is working and he wants to know what’s going on with your life.
One of the biggest misunderstandings about the no contact period is that you shouldn’t respond to your ex when he calls, texts, or emails you.
Well, that’s not true.
Believe it or not, this is your chance to show him how wonderful you are doing. So, how do you do it?
If your ex texts or emails you during no contact, then it is important that you don’t reply right away.
Instead, wait about three hours to text him back or 24 hours to email.
You may be wondering why I’m telling you to delay your response. I mean you’ve been waiting for him to come back to you and now you have to wait longer?
The reason for waiting is to show your ex that you’re not sitting around waiting for him to message you because you’re too busy enjoying your life, even if that’s not the case.
When it comes time to message him back, there are 3 rules to follow.
1. Your reply should be short and sweet.
It will show him that you’re too busy to write him a speech and better yet, it will keep him intrigued.
Since you’ve not been telling or hinting at how much you miss him, he’ll want to know more about what’s going on in your life.
2. Give off the impression that you’re happy.
It doesn’t matter if you cry yourself to sleep every night missing him.
There is no way you want him to know that.
As ladies, we may think it’s sweet to be missed but guys find it clingy and desperate. You don’t want your ex to think that way about you.
What you’re going to do instead is use lots of exclamation marks and tell him why you’ve been busy in a shortest way possible.
For example, you could say something like, “Hey, I’m just out with some friends right now. Hope all is well!” The point is to make it seem like you’re living life which is too busy to be missing him.
3. Be the one to end the conversation.
Make sure that you tell him you have to go. In other words, be the one to end the conversation and tell him why.
Even if you’re doing nothing, don’t tell him that because it’s boring. Instead, let him know that you got other things going on and can’t talk. End the conversation abruptly but politely.
For instance, you can say something like, “Well, I have to go meet a friend for dinner and maybe we’ll talk later.” It tells him that you’re busy and you get to be the one to end the chat. Simple as that.
This is one of the many psychological tricks that you can use to make your ex want you back.
For more information, watch the free video presentation here.
In that video, relationship expert, Brad Browning will teach you how to properly use the contact to make your ex miss you like crazy.
One more little rule before we wrap things up:
Always leave it to him to contact you again.
Even if you tell him that you’ll talk to him later, wait for him to come to you. You don’t want to appear needy.
The reason these rules work is because guys want what they can’t have. By showing him that you’re doing great but are too busy to sit around and catch up, it keeps him interested.
When you send the message that you’re unavailable, it shifts the power from him to you. And guess what? Now, he’s chasing you.
So if your ex calls you then it’s important to follow the same basic concepts. Meaning let him lead the conversation, make small talk and tell him briefly about some of the fun things you’ve been up to with your friends.
It’s important that you are nice and cheerful and that you end the call first. Just tell him that you have to go and maybe suggest a time he calls you tomorrow.
So many women make the mistake of trying to make their ex jealous when he calls or spilling their hearts out about the relationship. Don’t do this.
Bringing up issues from the past, talking about your current love life or asking about his are all-time bombs that you need to avoid.
If you do, he’ll see that you miss him and you’ll lose control of the no contact period. You’ve come this far and you definitely don’t want that to happen.
As I said, keep everything light and cheery. If your ex calls and wants to talk about the relationship, then it probably means that he wants to try and fix things. That is fine but let him do the talking and act indifferent to the situation.
If he calls and wants to argue with you, then it may just be his excuse for contacting you. Don’t get dragged into the drama and stick to the positive fun topics.
Remember, the goal is to act like you are unavailable so it shifts power from him to you. You want him to be choosing you, not vice-versa.
Well, that just about does it for today. I hope you learn something and that you can put these tips to good use. I know that it can be hard to sometimes come across positive when you’re hurting inside.
Trust me, showing your ex that you’re fine without him will do wonders for getting him back.
If you’re looking for more advice on what to do when your ex contacts you during no contact and how to win your ex back, watch the free how-to video here.
Until next time, take care and good luck!