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- 18 Real Online Dating Lessons I Learned the Hard Way
- Why You Should Hold Out For “The Stomach Flip” Before Deciding If He’s Right For You
- “I met this great guy online, how do I get him to ask me out?”
The Brutal Truth About Using The No Contact Rule To Get Your Ex Back
Hey there! This is Clay. Welcome to our journey through the little tweaks, hacks and pivots you need to make to really have a big impact with your ex.
Before you may have felt like you were struggling, beating your head up against the wall and doing an uphill hike. If you make these little tiny changes you will find that whole process of getting back together is super easy when you make these little shifts.
Now, a lot of people have done some research before they found their way here and they probably heard about the no contact rule.
What you may not know is there are ton of different types of no contact. Nobody really talks about this.
I am just going to give you a few common examples of the no contact rule.
One type of no contact says:
Cut contact with your ex for a certain period of time— let’s say a month. Cut contact with your ex for a month and that will make them miss you and want to reach out to you.
You may have heard this before maybe you have even tried it. I am here to tell you that one doesn’t work. That is because no amount of ignoring your ex is going to make them fall in love with you again.
Let’s have a little real talk here. The reason your relationship had trouble in the past and fell apart is probably because you neglected it or you didn’t really give the attention that it needs, right?
Then, it is kind of foolish to think that continuing to neglect the relationship, continuing to look the other way, and ignoring the problem is going to fix the situation.
You can’t fix the problem with the same thinking or methodology that got you in trouble in the first place. It just doesn’t work in that way, right?
Here is another example of no contact you may have heard:
Cut contact with your ex and use the time to heal from the breakup and then reach out to them again.
That’s cool. That’s great that you are talking action to heal from the breakup.
Healing from the breakup is definitely something that I encourage, however, that is generally the advice people give for moving on from any relationship.
If you went through a really bad breakup, you don’t want to see your ex ever again. You hate their guts and want to unplug all of the emotions from it and move on with your life. If that’s the case, then it’s great to cut contact with your ex, heal from the emotion and move on.
However, if your goal is to get back together with your ex then that type of no contact is not going to work for you.
There is a whole lot more that you can do to maximize your chances with your ex then just recovering from the pain of the breakup.
A lot of people have written me and they have said, “Yeah, I have already done no contact. I have already healed from the breakup.” But please understand that is not the type of no contact that I am advocating.
Maybe that is what you have done before but I am recommending something much bigger than simply trying to make your ex jealous or trying to heal from the breakup.
Here is another type of no contact you may have heard about:
Cut contact with your ex, focus on yourself, keep yourself distracted, keep yourself busy and improve your life and then reach out to your ex.
The idea is that suddenly they are going to fall in love with this new 2.0 version of you. That is an admirable thing to do. Again, that’s not our version of the no contact rule. That is not what active no contact is really about.
Maybe you have read about this type of no contact on a forum, an ebook or another website. Who knows where you may have heard this, but that is not what we are recommending at all.
How To Follow The No Contact Rule The Right Way
What we are recommending goes much deeper than trying to make your ex miss you or trying to move on from the pain of the breakup. You aren’t just trying to keep yourself busy by taking a Spanish class, banjo lessons, or rock climbing classes. This is much deeper than that.
The foundation of active no contact is different than all of these other types of no contact.
Active no contact takes it as a given that you are going to use the time to heal from the pain of your breakup and improve your own life. However, there is more to it than just healing.
The active no contact rule that we recommend is about using your time to master the relational skills that you need to create a deep and profound emotional connection with your ex and the other people in your life.
You use this time as the training ground to master these skills.
Then, once you come out of that no contact phase, yes, you will hopefully have healed from the pain of the break up and improved your life, but in addition, you will also have a new set of skills which will help you relate to your ex in a much deeper, much more profound way.
This makes it possible to have much deeper interactions in your relationship, creating more intimacy, trust and affection between the two of you.
You are learning a skill in a very low stakes way it first, practicing with your friends and family. Then, when it comes time to really use it after no contact ends– for the intended effect that you want in your relationship– it is already mastered. It is already in your DNA.
I want you to make a decision right now, today.
Are you going to continue with one of these other no contact rules that you have heard about somewhere else before?
Are you going to continue with the, “make your ex miss you” no contact rule?
Are you going to continue with your, “I healed from the pain of breakup” of no contact rule?
Are you going to continue with the, “I have distracted myself and kept myself busy” no contact rule?
…Or, are you going to use this time to use what I personally consider the BEST no contact Rule, the active no contact rule?
It’s important to master and ingrain a series of systematic relational skills that will propel your experiences with your ex to a new level. This way, you can have a much deeper emotional connection, more intimacy and affection between the two of you so that getting back together seems is almost automatic.
You can choose whichever path you want.
I am not here to force you to do one or the other.
It is my personal belief that choosing our active no contact rule is going to help you get back together a whole a lot faster than following one of those other paths (if those paths even take you to your desired destination at all).
If you want to learn more about how to use active no contact and master these relational skills and have a much more deeper emotional impact on your ex, then I invite to get started by downloading our free report, 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You.
All you have to do is click here and put in your email address. You can look over that page and if it feels like the right thing for you to do, go ahead and signup.
Again, no matter what you choose, I want you to decide today which path you are going to go down when it comes to no contact.
Are you going to use reverse psychology and jealousy?
Make your ex miss you?
Or are you going to hope that once you heal from the emotional pain, everything is somehow magically going to get better?
Are you going to keep yourself busy, distract yourself and hope that it somehow makes your ex want to be with you again?
…Or are you going to use active no contact, get down to business, master some serious relational skills and effortlessly get back together with your ex?
If the last choice sounds like the best option for you, I really want to encourage you to try out the Ex-Solution Program.
Again, if you like what you have read so far and you want to give the Ex-Solution Program a shot, click here to download 5 Unconscious Signs Your Ex Still Wants You free and get started now.