Q&A Ask Elizabeth: Should I Go No Contact?

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woman crouching on ground

Today we have a reader who is struggling with whether or not she should cut off her ex boyfriend who keeps contacting her.

Question:

Dear Elizabeth,

My ex boyfriend broke up with me two years ago (in 2012), he broke all his promises of marrying me (because his parents didn’t agree with our marriage). He left me all alone. He deleted me off his Facebook account and also stopped contacting me.

I was in love with HIM madly, so I agreed to be his friend. And so I kept chasing him and running after him, I did try my best to stay in touch with him but he didn’t care. But he didn’t value me and kept treating me as an option. I did ask him many times but he used to say me that “I am important for him and he cares for me,” but his actions were always the opposite of what he says.

He used to chase after another girl who was also a friend of mine. But he used to ignore me and used to talk to me in an uninteresting manner. Few months ago, he asked me if I still love him, I replied YES I do still, I miss him and when I asked him the same, he was blank and just said umm YES. I was feeling unimportant and in limbo in his life.

I stopped contacting him and chasing him. He texted me three weeks ago and told me that if I’m ignoring him, I should tell him clearly. I replied that I was not ignoring him and asked him why he wants me to talk to him, he said “ok bye”. I texted him two or three more times and asked him what he is thinking. I didn’t mean to but he says he is fine and nothing else and who is he to get angry over me. Now, he has stopped texting me, it’s been more than three weeks and he hasn’t initiated contact since.

Two days ago, I said “BYE” to him and also that I won’t forgive him for hurting me again and again. I told him he deceived me and he will pay for everything. He replied “ok.” He also said that I never understand what he’s been going through, he said he is already paying for everything but that I never understand him.

He also said he doesn’t deserve to be loved by anyone and that I seem to be happy without him and busy in my life so I don’t need him anymore , so he stopped contacting me because if I don’t want to talk to him , how he can force me, he put the blame on me like usual.

His ignorance and rudeness is really hurting me :(. Whenever I start moving on he comes back after two weeks, texts me and just asks me how I am doing and that’s it. He keeps ripping off my bandage of healing and leaves me suffering. He says he cares for me but … what he is up to? Is he just using me? Should I leave him now? I am confused whether he wants me still or just stringing me along or what?

I need advice, SHOULD I LEAVE HIM AND BREAK ALL CONTACT?? Also guide me please how to groom myself as a strong lady? I feel I am a low value woman. I will be waiting for your response, THANKS.

-Down in the Dumps With Drama

Answer:

Phew! I think that in order to have men not treat you this way it is important to not allow them to mess around with you and then blame YOU when it doesn’t work out.

This man broke your heart and now knows he can pop in and out of your life whenever he feels like it. This is unacceptable but you have been allowing it.

I agree that you should break off all contact. That way you can move on with your life and potentially meet someone worth your time. Like you said, he comes back after two weeks and rips the bandaid off. Since you don’t have shared responsibilities with him, it’s time to let him go for good and move on with your life.

As far as the reason that he does this, it’s that he knows he has you on the hook. Calling you up and trying to see if you will answer and entertain his drama is a way of reassuring himself that he’s still desired by you.

Right now, he can call you up, get reassurance of how great you think he is (gag) and then simply disappear again until he needs another taste of drama. Cut him off and go no contact. Block his calls and texts and move on with your life. You keep getting swept into his drama because you’re jumping up every time he contacts you, letting him involve you in his drama. To regain your self respect, it’s time to let go of him for good.

As far as your question about being a high value woman, the best way to start is to raise your standards. Stop allowing people into your life who don’t appreciate your value. The best way to start is to fake it until you make it. If you have been letting men walk all over you, the best way is to stop that and observe these rules:

  1. Make men come to you
  2. Refuse to allow b.s. excuses
  3. Watch their actions instead of their words.

A man who is worth your time will show it and not involve you in this kind of heart-wrenching drama.

-Elizabeth

To get my complete formula for how to get him back, check out my video presentation right now before I chicken out and take it down. This presentation explains 3 mistakes to avoid if you want any chance of getting back together. It’s super embarrassing for me (since I share my soft little underbelly), but I want to help you, so go watch it right now.

 

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is an author and founder of Attract The One.

Her popular program Ex Attraction Formula, has helped hundreds of women reunite with their men. She is thrilled to have helped so many people reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Mogul, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, Femalista, Popsugar, Read Unwritten, Medium and many more.

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