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- 4 Odd Signs The Person You Just Started Dating Is Seriously Bad News
- Too Damaged To Date: 8 Ways To Avoid Letting The Past Ruin Your Future
- What I Learned From Dating 12 Men in 6 Months
- Is It Possible To Have a Good Relationship With Your Polar Opposite?
- Are You An Introvert? How To Date Without Driving Yourself Crazy
- The Extroverted Woman’s Guide to Dating (and Mating With) An Introvert
- 18 Real Online Dating Lessons I Learned the Hard Way
- Why You Should Hold Out For “The Stomach Flip” Before Deciding If He’s Right For You
- “I met this great guy online, how do I get him to ask me out?”
How to Make Him Miss You: 8 Ways to Make Him Come Around
I’ve covered how to get your ex back, but I haven’t really covered exactly how to make him miss you in more depth. That’s what we’re going to talk about today.
First, one main point I have to make is this: you don’t miss people who are still around, you miss them because they’re gone, right?
That is simple as hell, but in after a breakup, it’s really worth mentioning since people overlook it all the time. Your first instinct may be to try and keep up the communication so he doesn’t forget you. That will not work! He can’t miss you and realize the breakup was a mistake with you around.
That brings me to the process you must go through to make your ex miss you.
1. Give him time and space.
Go no contact. Cut all ties with your ex. Right now, your silence is golden. In order to really make him think about you, you’ve got to be 100% absent. Even though it sounds simple, in practice, not contacting someone you’ve been close to for months or even years is hard as hell (here are some things to do instead).
His own imagination is your secret weapon in getting him back. You need to give him time to forget the bad things that happen at the end of relationships and put the rose colored glasses on. Also, going no contact gives you the time to think about the breakup— and this perspective is invaluable.
Even though I usually say to cut ties on social media, don’t— if you have an eye on getting him back. If you’re truly in the mode to move on completely, that’s the time to hit the delete button.
For now, just hit “unfollow” not “unfriend” so you’re not tormented by his Facebook updates. You want to create an “out of sight, out of mind” situation while not showing your hand to him. You might be tempted to write him messages online, or messages that are vaguely, kinda-sorta about him. Don’t. Just don’t do anything. Trust me, you’re going to regret it later. In order to make this work, you must not call, text, Facebook message, Tweet, pass notes or send missives by carrier pigeon.
More than anything else on this list, you must GO NO CONTACT for a while— at least a month, if not more. Cutting him off makes him miss you and wonder what you’re up to.
2. Be flawlessly polite and kind with all contact, but NEVER beg for your ex back.
I used to say not to return your exe’s messages after a breakup unless it involved shared business responsibilities or kids. I was wrong about that piece of breakup advice and I want to make amends.
Based on feedback from my popular Ex Attraction Formula program, anyone who breaks up with you thinks that you hate them. This is made worse by the fact that people say a lot of awful things when they break up. The person who initiated the breakup is usually terrified of more hurtful talk and negativity.
Men especially are more sensitive than they let on. If you’re rude to them after a breakup, they think they have no shot of ever getting you back, even if they miss you and truly regret their decision to break up with you. People tend to break up and then get back together, but they can’t love you if they’re afraid of you. So don’t be rude, just don’t initiate any contact with your ex unless it’s essential.
3. Allow yourself to release the pain.
By clinging to his memory, you aren’t getting any closer to getting him back– keeping the pain of the breakup alive just hurts you. Focus on remembering the good times that you both shared while letting go of the pain surrounding the breakup. Often people prolong the time that it takes to feel happy again because they mistakenly believe that they have to be miserable to reignite the spark. Hogwash. Allowing yourself to get past the pain makes you a happier, more productive person and is much more magnetic than despair.
4. Don’t mope around.
I know that breakups hurt like hell. You’re entitled to a little bit of moping, but strive to A), not mope in public and B), fake it until you make it.
In public (this includes your social media), put on a happy face. Not overtly cheery or “look at me, I’m doing sooooo wonderful,” just positive.
Do NOT post about the gory details of your breakup on social media. Only vent about the breakup to people that you are certain won’t tell your ex. Think, your best friend, not your mutual friends.
Yes, you’re crafting an illusion, but this is important. Let whatever happened during your breakup stay in the past.
5. Don’t stalk him.
This goes along with no contact listed above, but it’s worth it’s own bullet point since it’s so common and since you aren’t directly contacting him with the stalking, it still can feel like you’re not in contact.
Don’t cyberstalk, drive by his house, accidentally “show up” at places that you both frequent or anything else. The point right now is to break your chemical addiction to your ex even if you ultimately want your ex back. If you’ve already been doing these things, I get it, I truly do. But now, gorgeous, it’s time to place the focus right back where it belongs, on you.
6. Live your life and remodel it.
This means going out with friends, making new ones, revamping your hobbies and moving on. You’ve got to get new routines that don’t involve your ex.
Now is the time to revamp your look by getting in shape, changing your hair and/or experimenting with new clothes. It’s the time to take up a hobby or reignite your interest in your passions. It’s time for you to spread your wings and change your life in positive ways.
7. Avoid overt plays for his attention.
Don’t actively TRY to make him jealous by posting pics of yourself on social media with other people. This comes off fake and desperate. Don’t drop hints to friends about how great you’re doing. Get and remain centered on you.
8. If you feel like doing something, ANYTHING, just wait.
When it comes to breakups, the knee jerk, desperate reaction is 99.9% of the time, completely wrong. It’s really common for you to want to do something, ANYTHING to get his attention. For right now, don’t. Just be.
By taking a hands off approach, you’re giving him the opportunity to come back to you. That’s what you want in the first place, right? Give him time and space.
Want to get back together? Go watch this embarrassingly personal presentation I made that describes 3 mistakes not to make if you want any chance of getting him back.