How to Make Him Miss You: 8 Ways to Make Him Come Around

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how to make him miss youI’ve covered how to get your ex back, but I haven’t really covered exactly how to make him miss you in more depth. That’s what we’re going to talk about today.

First, one main point I have to make is this: you don’t miss people who are still around, you miss them because they’re gone, right?

That is simple as hell, but in after a breakup, it’s really worth mentioning since people overlook it all the time. Your first instinct may be to try and keep up the communication so he doesn’t forget you. That will not work! He can’t miss you and realize the breakup was a mistake with you around.

That brings me to the process you must go through to make your ex miss you.

1. Give him time and space.

Go no contact. Cut all ties with your ex. Right now, your silence is golden. In order to really make him think about you, you’ve got to be 100% absent. Even though it sounds simple, in practice, not contacting someone you’ve been close to for months or even years is hard as hell (here are some things to do instead).

His own imagination is your secret weapon in getting him back. You need to give him time to forget the bad things that happen at the end of relationships and put the rose colored glasses on. Also, going no contact gives you the time to think about the breakup— and this perspective is invaluable.

Even though I usually say to cut ties on social media, don’t— if you have an eye on getting him back. If you’re truly in the mode to move on completely, that’s the time to hit the delete button.

For now, just hit “unfollow” not “unfriend” so you’re not tormented by his Facebook updates. You want to create an “out of sight, out of mind” situation while not showing your hand to him. You might be tempted to write him messages online, or messages that are vaguely, kinda-sorta about him. Don’t. Just don’t do anything. Trust me, you’re going to regret it later. In order to make this work, you must not call, text, Facebook message, Tweet, pass notes or send missives by carrier pigeon.

More than anything else on this list, you must GO NO CONTACT for a while— at least a month, if not more. Cutting him off makes him miss you and wonder what you’re up to.

2. Be flawlessly polite and kind with all contact, but NEVER beg for your ex back.

I used to say not to return your exe’s messages after a breakup unless it involved shared business responsibilities or kids. I was wrong about that piece of breakup advice and I want to make amends.

Based on feedback from my popular Ex Attraction Formula program, anyone who breaks up with you thinks that you hate them. This is made worse by the fact that people say a lot of awful things when they break up. The person who initiated the breakup is usually terrified of more hurtful talk and negativity.

Men especially are more sensitive than they let on. If you’re rude to them after a breakup, they think they have no shot of ever getting you back, even if they miss you and truly regret their decision to break up with you. People tend to break up and then get back together, but they can’t love you if they’re afraid of you. So don’t be rude, just don’t initiate any contact with your ex unless it’s essential.

3. Allow yourself to release the pain.

I’ve described my method for getting over an ex here, and here’s how to stop thinking about him.

By clinging to his memory, you aren’t getting any closer to getting him back– keeping the pain of the breakup alive just hurts you. Focus on remembering the good times that you both shared while letting go of the pain surrounding the breakup. Often people prolong the time that it takes to feel happy again because they mistakenly believe that they have to be miserable to reignite the spark. Hogwash. Allowing yourself to get past the pain makes you a happier, more productive person and is much more magnetic than despair.

4. Don’t mope around.

I know that breakups hurt like hell. You’re entitled to a little bit of moping, but strive to A), not mope in public and B), fake it until you make it.

In public (this includes your social media), put on a happy face. Not overtly cheery or “look at me, I’m doing sooooo wonderful,” just positive.

Do NOT post about the gory details of your breakup on social media. Only vent about the breakup to people that you are certain won’t tell your ex. Think, your best friend, not your mutual friends.

Yes, you’re crafting an illusion, but this is important. Let whatever happened during your breakup stay in the past.

5. Don’t stalk him.

This goes along with no contact listed above, but it’s worth it’s own bullet point since it’s so common and since you aren’t directly contacting him with the stalking, it still can feel like you’re not in contact.

Don’t cyberstalk, drive by his house, accidentally “show up” at places that you both frequent or anything else. The point right now is to break your chemical addiction to your ex even if you ultimately want your ex back. If you’ve already been doing these things, I get it, I truly do. But now, gorgeous, it’s time to place the focus right back where it belongs, on you.

6. Live your life and remodel it.

This means going out with friends, making new ones, revamping your hobbies and moving on. You’ve got to get new routines that don’t involve your ex.

Now is the time to revamp your look by getting in shape, changing your hair and/or experimenting with new clothes. It’s the time to take up a hobby or reignite your interest in your passions. It’s time for you to spread your wings and change your life in positive ways.

7. Avoid overt plays for his attention.

Don’t actively TRY to make him jealous by posting pics of yourself on social media with other people. This comes off fake and desperate. Don’t drop hints to friends about how great you’re doing. Get and remain centered on you.

8. If you feel like doing something, ANYTHING, just wait.

When it comes to breakups, the knee jerk, desperate reaction is 99.9% of the time, completely wrong. It’s really common for you to want to do something, ANYTHING to get his attention. For right now, don’t. Just be.

By taking a hands off approach, you’re giving him the opportunity to come back to you. That’s what you want in the first place, right? Give him time and space.

Want to get back together? Go watch this embarrassingly personal presentation I made that describes 3 mistakes not to make if you want any chance of getting him back.

Get him back now.

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is an author and founder of Attract The One.

Her popular program Ex Attraction Formula, has helped hundreds of women reunite with their men. She is thrilled to have helped so many people reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on Tiny Buddha, EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Fox News Magazine and more.

26 Comments

  1. Will

    November 17, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    Really good advice. A nice, long no contact period is essential for him to start missing you. Any plays for attention or to make him jealous will be obvious, so use the time to heal your own wounds and get back in touch with what’s awesome about being you. In the end, the only way to really turn his head is to kill it in your own life.

    • Robyn Sims

      November 30, 2016 at 8:47 am

      why not just cut off all ties and just not answer the phone or texts ?

      • Elizabeth Stone

        November 30, 2016 at 9:30 am

        Hi Robyn,

        It depends on your goals. If you want them back, unless you are following a specific strategy as I recommend in Ex Attraction Formula, not responding at all simply causes pain and makes them believe you’re not worth the effort. If you simply want to never see them again, ghost away.

        Hope that helps.

        -Elizabeth

  2. Kara

    December 6, 2014 at 12:28 am

    How can you do this “no contact” if you currently live with him and his parents?

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      December 6, 2014 at 7:20 am

      Be polite but live your own life, then move out as soon as humanly possible.

  3. Rachel

    January 20, 2015 at 7:59 am

    How does the No Contact period end? Do you wait for him to reach out first?

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      January 20, 2015 at 8:35 am

      Lots of times he’ll break down and contact you, but you can reach out gently after it’s over.

  4. Elle

    January 27, 2015 at 11:04 am

    What do you do when he contacts you daily? How do you ignore him without being rude? I’m currently on a “break” from my relationship–by his choice. At first I didn’t agree, but I realize that some time and space is necessary for both of us. But how can I give him space when he contacts me daily? I told him he couldn’t have his cake and eat it to, but he insists that he just needs time to figure out what he wants and that he’s not just stringing me along. I have no idea what to do.

  5. Pam

    February 26, 2015 at 8:48 am

    Just found this site and this is some of the best sound advice I have found. Thank you!

  6. Ricci

    March 1, 2015 at 12:26 pm

    Unbeknownst to me, I didn’t realize that I was a pro at breaking up the right way. This advice is on point. Yes it is hard, and it can take several months, but it’s worth it. And also, when they do come back with the flowers & apologies, dont jump back into it. Take is slow. Make them work to get you back for real and not just “back in your good graces” for 6 weeks.

    • Attract The One

      Elizabeth Stone

      March 1, 2015 at 2:52 pm

      Thanks for your comment Ricci! You’re exactly right.

  7. Kassie

    September 26, 2016 at 11:00 pm

    How long do you do the no contact?

    • Elizabeth Stone

      September 27, 2016 at 10:03 am

      It really depends on your particular situation and your goals. Anywhere from 30 to 60 days usually.

  8. Natalie

    October 29, 2016 at 2:30 pm

    Nether of us wanted to break up, he had hard time at work, I acted selfish, he got angry and said he needed two days away from me, I left at night and he was careless, I texted goodbye when I ended up alone on the street at nigh. He believes I am not a relationship material. I texted two days later to make the point how he let me go home at night and not checking on me. He knows I am very independent and not helpless. He replied good luck. We were together for two months very close, he was very happy having me in his life, it was our first and last fight. He called me a brat, might be true. I won’t ever contact him, is there a chance he will contact me.

    • Elizabeth Stone

      November 18, 2016 at 9:10 am

      Hi Natalie,

      It’s been a few weeks since you wrote this, but yes, there’s a good chance he will contact you— ESPECIALLY if you maintain no contact. That’s the way to go. When he does pop up, make sure that you don’t rage at him for leaving. Calm, cool and collected.

      -Elizabeth

  9. Helen

    November 18, 2016 at 1:34 am

    Im having this situation…just similar to Natalie’s
    He had hard times with his fam and job but i was acting stupid like a child. I was crying hardly and showed too much how sad i was.
    He dicided to break and told me he was sure for a hundred percent and won’t change his mind..
    First 3 days..i still texted him how sad and guilty i was and still hoped to get him back.
    He read but no replied.
    Maybe i will really have to avoid contacting him for 100%
    It’s a good advice..every articles just kept reminding me like…do you really want him back? If you do, do not contact him.
    Thanks a lot

    • Elizabeth Stone

      November 18, 2016 at 9:11 am

      Hi Helen, you’re welcome!

      YES! No more contact at all. Self discipline will get you everywhere. Just hang on and distract yourself.

      Best,

      -Elizabeth

  10. Kitty

    November 20, 2016 at 8:55 am

    My boyfriend ended our relationship of almost 6 months this week (my first REAL relationship) but at first he ended it with a text. I nearly lost my mind for two days trying to convince him that it was not the right way to do that, that he’s hurting me, etc. he told me it just really hurts to see me cry. So finally I get him to agree and we meet up. I had knitted a scarf for him but it wasn’t as long as I intended, but he needed to have it. We talked a lot. He said he’s been feeling this way for a month and a half. That he did feel really intensely for me, but now it’s just gone and he feels bad leading me on and doesn’t want to cause me any more pain. He cried. A lot. He gave me so many hugs. He sobbed when I gave him the scarf and told me how perfect it was. I told him he was the sunshine of my day, that he is a beautiful person, and one of the most special people to touch my life. And how much I will miss him. He said he would miss me a lot too. I asked why he never talked to me about anything. We talked about how he can’t express himself well, how he thinks I am deep and complex for the way I am able to (words and art). How when the feelings stopped for me, his feelings for EVERYTHING stopped. He can’t make himself care or put in effort and that makes him feel awful. We talked about how he is depressed, how he doesn’t like himself, he’s shy, nervous, and quiet and he hates that about himself. i told him it’s okay to be introverted, but he must find things that make him happy and to do them every day. And he started crying again. I shared my experiences with depression and self harm, and he cried because he never noticed the scars. He said he accepts full blame for this, that he feels so guilty, that he needs to come to terms with himself. That it was right we talked like this. He’ll keep my paintings I made for him, he’ll keep the scarf. He kept saying he didn’t want to go, but he felt it was right. If I ever need anything to not hesitate to reach out to him, I’m the most amazing person. He gave me one last kiss before he said goodbye. Later I texted him to tell him that if he needs anything to please message me, to remember someone cares when he feels his loneliest, and to please love himself. He responded and said that I’m the best, that I shouldn’t be afraid to contact him, that we should help each other. I haven’t stopped thinking about him. I thought he was the one, honestly. I don’t have a bad memory to make me hate him either. Nothing but loving and beautiful memories of the two of us. I’m severely heartbroken, I feel as if he has made a huge mistake. I’m just wondering if he’s really gonna contact me at all? If he’s confused about his feelings? I don’t want to be pining away for someone who couldn’t care less about me, but I think he cares a great deal for me? Maybe more than he even realizes ? I’ve sent him one really long message since then, two days ago, telling him how proud I was for him for doing something so far out of his comfort zone. I told him to ignore this or take your time replying or whatever, but we’re still friends on Facebook, my number is obviously not blocked. So idk what to do really. I’ve got advice from so many different people, telling me to give up, that he might come back around, that he’s cheating, that he doesn’t care, etc. what is your opinion? What should I do???

    • Elizabeth Stone

      November 20, 2016 at 9:19 am

      Hi Kitty,

      Yes, he’ll probably contact you, but you have to leave him completely alone. No contact from you at all for at least 8 weeks. Distract yourself, get strong, take a hiatus from Facebook and leave him completely alone. No more mothering him. He made a decision and you must leave him alone to experience his choice.

      Also, start dating others even though I know you don’t want to.

      Please take good care of yourself.

      *hugs*

      -Elizabeth

  11. 52many

    November 22, 2016 at 6:12 pm

    I was in a 3 year relationship. This is my second time doing NC. First attempt was for 3 weeks. He broke by wishing me a happy birthday and I said thank you and he never replied. Then I contacted him a week later. It was great the first couple days. But then he got scared that we were just jumping right back into things. It didn’t help that I kissed another guy during our first NO contact. But he did seem to forgive that. But after he told me he was afraid he couldn’t make me happy I walked away again. He said he didn’t want to say goodbye and didn’t want to lose me but he never replied again. It’s been 30’days and I haven’t heard anything from him. Nothing. Should I just give up? I really want to try again but I can’t lie the fact that he hasn’t contacted me in 30’days makes me really question if he misses or loves me. Should I give it more time or give up completely? He looks pretty happy on social media without me. No posts with other girls but he seems to be living it up with his friends.

    • Elizabeth Stone

      November 22, 2016 at 6:27 pm

      Hi,

      Give him 8 whole weeks total from the last contact. That’s the time it takes for people to really make a decision. It must be him who reaches out. He knows he has you on the hook so he’s just circling back around. Stop stalking his social media— go on a fast if you can.

      Don’t give up if you aren’t done with him, but when he reappears, be extremely light.

      Best,

      -Elizabeth

      • 52many

        November 26, 2016 at 1:56 pm

        Thank you! One more quick question. If after 8 weeks he still doesn’t reach out should I then just forget it? I was going to write him an email if he didn’t reach out just to say goodbye. Because after 3 years he didn’t say goodbye I think that’s awful. But then part of me thinks why would I send the email because he obviously doesn’t care. But I have no closure. Like I said he told me he didn’t want to say goodbye. But obviously he isn’t too hurt because he hasn’t reached out at all. So after 8 weeks do I just give up? Send nothing? I’m also afraid to date or talk to anyone else during the 8 weeks because if he does reach out it would ruin my chances of getting back together. Is that dumb? Thank you!!!

  12. Oshin

    March 25, 2017 at 9:33 pm

    I had a crush on this guy.It took lots of efforts to tell him how I feel, and to my surprise he took it very positively. We spend great time together but he always said that his family is important to him and he will commit only when his family accepts me. Few months later he said he told his family about me but they are not interested ( he didnt even told them my name, he told them just that he like a girl without knowing any further they said we are not interested). But here I’m madly in love with this guy. We have stopped talking but I text him once in a while. What should I do to make him realise my feelings for him!! I don’t want to leave him😥

    • Elizabeth Stone

      March 27, 2017 at 9:55 am

      Leave him alone to miss you. You’re too much in his business for him to feel any sense of loss.

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