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How To Move On After Divorce When It Wasn’t Your Idea
Moving on after divorce has never been easy, especially when you said “I do’s” and thought you would grow old together.
Divorce is one of the hardest times in anyone’s life. Your once peaceful and happy life is shattered, knowing that the love you once shared with each other is lost and you have to live separate lives. Not only will you go through a lot of emotional adjustment, you’re faced with life after divorce– as well as the inevitable changes in your financial and social situation.
Though it may seem that going through the divorce process is the end of everything, it’s only a phase in your life. As hard as it may feel now, be hopeful that a day will come that you will no longer be in pain. Below are the useful tips on how to move on after a divorce and find your old happy and stronger self again.
1. Take time to grieve the loss of your marriage.
It doesn’t matter how long you have been together. The fact that you were head over heels in love with each other and planned to have a future together is a major reason to feel loss and hurt that it did not work out. It’s okay to grieve over the loss of your marriage.
Don’t be embarrassed to cry, shout, scream, or vent. You are human and it’s natural to grieve over the loss. Don’t rush yourself. Take your time to worth through the pain until it stops hurting as badly.
2. Don’t hesitate to ask for help.
No one should go through a divorce alone.
First, it is important that you consult a good divorce attorney so that you know all the legal matters that need to be considered.
If you haven’t thought of reaching out to your closest friends and family members, this is a perfect time. It is very important that you have a support system, someone that will encourage you to fight in times when you feel like giving up or simply an ear to listen while you vent.
Another way to cope with divorce is to search for for support groups in your community. There are always people who are coping with the same things as you are. Remember that asking for help is never a sign of weakness.
3. Celebrate victories after loss.
When you lose something so big, like a marriage, it may seem hard to focus on the little successes and achievements. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with this immense failure and miss out on great things.
Your life does not end when your marriage is over. Just like in a book, it’s time to turn the old chapter and welcome your new life after divorce. Take time to appreciate the little achievements in your life, no matter how small. If you did something that you used to depend on your ex-spouse for, consider this as a victory and celebrate it. Buy or do something nice for yourself. Reward yourself for taking one small step at a time.
When you focus on these little victories, it becomes easier to avoid feeling disappointment and failure over the loss of your marriage.
4. Break free but take care of yourself.
For such a long time, you had to take consideration of your ex-spouse in every decisions and action that you made.
Now that you are on your own, embrace your new independence. For the first time in such a long time, you can do whatever you want without having to think of someone else. You can finally book that trip that you wanted to take or buy that expensive designer bag that you were eyeing. Take the time to nurture yourself after going through everything that coping with divorce requires.
5. Throw yourself into your dreams and hobbies.
You won’t move on if you spend 24 hours of your life doing nothing but feeling awful for the failed marriage. To help forget this pain, try to keep yourself busy. This is the perfect time to do something that you have always wanted to explore.
Now is the right time to fully focus on yourself and do everything that can make you feel happy. Some good options are getting a new hobby or enrolling yourself in a fitness program. Another benefit of working out is that it will help you stave off depression.
6. Learn lessons and move forward.
So many people get bitter and stuck after getting a divorce. Instead of investing your energy in holding a grudge and resenting your ex-spouse, thank them for the experience and lessons that you learned during the relationship. Even if your marriage was awful, there is always a lesson to learn and someone new out there to date.
When you’re ready, take some non-accusatory time to analyze your part in the failure of the marriage. Everything that happened during your marriage is a lesson to bring with you to your future relationships. With each mistake that we make, it provides powerful wisdom that you can use in the future.
Ending your marriage does not mean that a part of you is lost forever. Take this as an opportunity to discover something new and transform yourself into a stronger, happier person.
Going through a divorce is very painful. In time you won’t have to fake a smile anymore. Give yourself enough time to heal and embrace a new chapter of your life stronger and wiser.