17 Heartbreaking Signs Your Ex Still Loves You (And What To Do About It)


Signs Your Ex Still Loves You

When one of my exes told me that he didn’t love me anymore, it shook me to my core. I simply couldn’t believe that this man who had been lovingly rubbing my back the night before had abruptly fallen out of love with me. I was so confused and devastated.

For weeks after the breakup, I stayed up late nursing my broken heart, endlessly googling things like, “signs your ex still loves you”, “does he still love me” and “signs your ex wants you back.”

I found out later that my ex still loved me, but when he told me it was over he was hurting and angry and a whole bunch of other emotions that took a lot of time to process.

One of the most painful things that happens during a breakup is that people say and do things that they don’t mean. Exes act in confusing ways that can be hard to interpret.

I’ve written before about why your ex won’t do a grand gesture if he wants you back. It’s worth talking about other signs your ex still loves you.

1. He maintains contact with you when he doesn’t have to.

One of the more obvious signs your ex still loves you is that he stays in touch.

He might text out of the blue or call for really flimsy reasons. Men don’t usually hunger and yearn for an exe’s attention if they have fallen out of love. It’s a definite sign your ex misses you if he keeps popping into your life.

2. He says he still wants to be friends and tries to make time for you.

Most of the time when an ex says he still wants to be friends, he is really saying that he’s not ready to cope with loss. It’s one of those normal things that people say when they breakup.

He might have genuinely might meant it in the moment.

In practice, trying to stay friends with your ex is painful, since it keeps reopening the wound. The real sign that he doesn’t want to let go of you is whether he tries to hang out after saying he wants to stay friends. Unfortunately this could also be a sign he’s seriously bad news, so be careful. You know your ex better than anyone else.

3. He has extreme emotions about you.

The more extreme his emotional reaction to your breakup, whether it’s love, hate or awful deep sadness, the more likely it is that love is below the surface.

Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Too many people to count say that their ex was ridiculously angry at them after their breakup but suddenly admitted they were still in love.

Anger is a tricky emotion after a breakup since it usually masks hurt. If your ex is really, really angry at you, that does not necessarily mean he hates you. The opposite of love is genuine indifference and apathy.

4. He keeps explaining your breakup.

Does he feel the need to keep rehashing the reasons for your breakup? Does he send you texts or emails about why he left? Does he keep bringing it up even when it doesn’t make sense? Does he discuss or “joke” about getting back together?

All of this “closure” means that he’s still trying to sort it out in his own mind. The fact that he feels the need to keep talking about it shows that you’re still on his mind.

5. He brags about self improvement and accomplishment.

Does he mention how great he’s doing at the gym?

Does he update you on how incredible his new yoga class is?

Do his new hobbies faintly echo things he knows you would approve of?

Did he finally get off his ass and get a job?

Does he give off the vibe that he’s showing off?

It could be that he’s trying to make you jealous. Or, more likely, he’s still hoping for your approval and wants you to notice he’s changed and be proud of him. We don’t try to show off for people we don’t care about.

6. He drags his feet on tying up loose ends.

Do you still have a lot of his belongings? Does he stall or drag his feet on finishing things up?

After one breakup, I became fixated on the fact that I left a shawl and a book at an exe’s house. The fact that he hadn’t returned these things made me believe that there was still hope for our relationship. I was completely wrong, but I loved him and wanted to believe that he still loved me.

Resorting to magical thinking is one way that people hold out hope that their ex still loves them after a breakup. It’s a super common sign that he probably still cares about you.

7. His people subtly try to convince you to talk to him.

It takes a village to support a man who is stuck on a woman.

If his people keep dropping hints that he misses you, he is probably not subtle about how he still has feelings for you. When your ex wants you back, his friends and family will gently try to push you toward each other both because they believe in love and because they’re incredibly sick of listening to him rant about you.

8. He’s not moving on.

Is your ex stubbornly not dating anyone in a quest to “find himself”? Is he doing the “hurt and wounded” fallen soldier of love thing?

When your ex doesn’t move on with someone new it can be a sign that he hopes you will get back together. He might also be so devastated by your breakup that he can’t imagine himself dating someone new.

9. He’s moving on A LOT.

Has he been hooking up with a lot of different women? Do you sense that none of these women have real long term relationship potential?

Maybe he’s picked out a particular woman that he does the whole “Netflix and chill” routine with, but won’t give her the title of girlfriend.

When he won’t move on after your breakup, you guessed it, he probably still loves you.

10. His rebound girlfriend hates your guts with a fiery passion.

This is one of the weirder signs he wants you back, but hear me out. Rebound relationships usually include a lot of emotional venting, since the recently broken up person has not had a lot of time to process the breakup before moving on.

As a result, his new girlfriend has probably heard a lot about you. She is probably supportive of him but she also has a lot of her own feelings about you. That doesn’t make her mean or evil, just human.

If he was over you, he would not have overshared as much. You would only be a curiosity to her and not inspire much of an extreme emotional reaction either way.

If she hates you, she probably feels competitive and is trying to stake her territory. The fact that this is an issue at all points to his unresolved feelings about you.

11. He stalks your social media.

Does your ex comb through your Facebook and like a bunch of your posts? Does he still comment and share things you post?

All of these are signs that he still might have feelings for you. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be monitoring your social media content like it was essential late-breaking news. He might also be posting a LOT more than usual about how amazingly happy and perfect his life is now. If you can, unfriend him even if you think you might want him back because having him in your face all the time isn’t going to help you feel better. The temptation to stay up late wondering what he’s up to can be really hard to resist.

12. He stays in touch with your people.

Guys with no feelings cut ties and move on from their old lives. If he’s still initiating contact with your people after the breakup, he might be trying to keep tabs on what you’re up to.

13. He treats you extremely well, even when he doesn’t have to.

The way we treat someone is a mirror for how we feel about them (and ourselves).

If he’s still trying to consistently show you his good side, he cares about your approval which is a sign he still loves you.

14. He wonders about his competition.

Does he ask you if you’re dating anyone new? And if he already knows there is someone else, does he keep bringing it up?

It’s completely natural to wonder if an ex has moved on after your breakup— whether you still love them or not. People are simply curious creatures.

The tell here is that if your ex misses you, he may act competitive toward your new flame or make weird comments about it. If you feel like your ex is acting weird about it, it’s probably because you can sense his neediness coming through.

15. He’s been going out and/or drinking a lot.

The heartbroken will often try to drown their sorrows in an attempt to forget about you.

Going out a lot is not necessarily the behavior of a totally healed man ready to carefully sail into his future. He’s most likely trying to drink and party in an effort to forget you. That leads me to the next point which is what he does after he gets drunk.

16. He drunk dials.

Drunk dialing is annoying, but it shows that he’s thinking about you.

Regardless of how you feel about your ex or how he feels about you— don’t entertain it. Unless you have some kind of shared responsibility with him that requires you pick up the phone at all hours, do yourself a big favor and ignore it for right now.

Just don’t respond or answer the phone after say, 11pm. If he really wants to express something, he will eventually come out with it sober, so don’t believe anything he says if he chooses to call you when he’s drunk.

17. He’s still there for you.

Does he offer to fix things, do things for you or share his resources without being asked? Could you call your ex and both get ahold of him and have him help you?

It could be simply because he’s a good guy who still cares about you, it can also mean he misses you and wants you back. Men’s caring comes through in their actions more than any other way.

Is your ex doing some of these things?

Do you want another chance at creating the amazing relationship you know you can have with him?

Then you have to take action before it’s too late.

signs your ex wants you backIf your ex still loves you, then you have a pretty good chance of getting him back as long as you avoid several key mistakes.

In this video presentation, I explain 3 innocent mistakes to avoid if you want any chance of getting back together.

You have to see this— because so many women sabotage their relationships right when they could have gotten him back. Don’t let that be you.

Click here to go watch now.

About Elizabeth Stone

Elizabeth Stone is the founder of Attract The One.

Her popular program Ex Attraction Formula, has helped hundreds of women reunite with their men. She is thrilled to have helped so many people reignite the spark in their relationships.

Tirelessly focused on helping people improve their love lives, her work has been featured on EHarmony Blog, YourTango, Thought Catalog, Mogul, Fox News Magazine, Ravishly, Femalista, Popsugar, Read Unwritten, Medium and many more.


  1. Laurence

    October 20, 2016 at 5:15 am

    Oh my… My ex is still in love with me according to your list!!! As much as it is good for my ego, I have asked for no contact as he does not want an exclusive and monogamous relationship…

    • Adayah

      February 16, 2017 at 9:07 pm

      He wants a polyamory or open relationship…

  2. Sharon Aisha

    February 23, 2017 at 9:38 am

    Thanks For Your Message Because My Ex Stil Loves Me

  3. seattle

    April 28, 2017 at 1:00 pm

    What if a guy is this way with all his exes? His ex wife (who he talked about a lot when we were dating). His ex-girlfriend (who he talked about a lot when we were dating, helped out, spent time with). His female friends (some of whom wanted him as more than a friend). I had such a hard time dating him because I liked him so much and wanted to build something that felt safe, good, real, authentic and I felt so guilty being jealous of his ex wife, his ex-girlfriend, his pre-existing female friends. I could not deal with his harem of women and now that we’ve been broken up 6 months he’s getting in touch, telling me what he’s been up to, the trips he’s taken, the female friend he helped out by letting her stay with him for two months, how his daughter is doing, how is parents and grandma are and then he asks how I am, how my parents are. He offers to be there for me. As he is for all his exs. And it infuriates me. I have never felt such a prolonged, deep-seated, intense, toxic anger, resentment, and betrayal. And I have tried to explain it. And honest to God, he seems not to understand. I have to give up trying to understand him, us, the failure of it all. I don’t know why it would help me to be able to find an explanation but I do wish I could come up with some clinical reason for this like being able to think of him as autistic or having Asburgers (sp?) but I don’t think he was on the spectrum. He was this shimmery, shiny, exuberant, happy, oblivious, at times loving, distracted, boundry-less individual I grew to love and hate. I could never get from him what I most wanted and needed and he’s always willing to waltz back into my life to show me how he is able to have what I wanted from him with others; connect, respect, a relationship (maybe not a romantic relationship). I want to stop feeling so much about it. It’s been 6 mo since we last saw ea other and far more than that since things felt possible or good in the relationship. Why are we attracted to people who are so wrong for us. Why did he want someone who needed loyalty and boundaries if he’s a free-range kind of guy and why did I want things to work when I saw early on that he has no boundaries and loves everyone the same; the female friend has the same status as the girlfriend and the ex wife and the ex. I am still divided between beating myself up for not being able to be okay with that if that’s who he is and hating him for being that way and hating myself for being to scared of how the loss of him would feel, how the loneliness would feel, how the break up would feel. And it all continues to feel hard. Being in it with him was hard, being away, given the attachment, is hard. Psychology is a strange and messy business.

    • Elizabeth Stone

      May 1, 2017 at 2:40 pm

      Hi Seattle,

      Thanks for your comment. Try not to beat yourself up. These are the things we learn about people as we date and get to know them better.

      If someone is friendly with all of their exes, sure, that’s confusing, but since you’ve identified that you didn’t get what you wanted and needed from the relationship, it sort of takes the pressure off, right? I mean, who cares if he wants a friendship if you know he’s wrong for you. You can take it or leave it in that case.

      The other thing to remember is that people don’t usually know what they want, especially if they haven’t been in a situation that causes them to fine-tune their desires. Your ex is the same way, as frustrating and infuriating as that may be.

    • Judy a Moore

      May 2, 2017 at 10:46 pm

      I’m in a slime r reationship that impacticm is e

      • Elizabeth Stone

        May 4, 2017 at 11:03 am

        You might want to get out of the slime relationship Judy, that sounds awful and serious 🙂

    • Sarah

      November 1, 2017 at 8:22 pm

      waw Seatle, I just left the exact same kind of man. you have NO idea how everything you wrote resonates with what I have lived. My ex was speaking NONE stop about other women AND even told me I was smart because I felt that there was smg going on with his “best friend” (female). He told me that I was “extraordinary and had wings like his ex, that is why he loved me, because I was an angel, just like his ex. I am shivering remembering every horrible things he told me “italians ALL cheat on their GFs”, I want kids with you, I dont want to have sex with you because you want kids…..he tortured me with his craziness. Leaving was tough but a relief. It’s been a month since the breakup and I feel lonely. He called and contactd me with stupid excuses all the time EVEN after I asked NOT TO!And he follows my stories on insta….but I feel he is moving on….I asked him a couple times to leave me alone…..because he does nt love ME he loves ALL WOMEN. And that sucks so badly I want to through up. He is a 34 year old KID who boke my heart.

  4. Sarah

    May 19, 2017 at 10:28 am

    So my boyfriend broke up with me about three weeks ago, the reasons are many but I was never one of them. It was small things that had to do with our relationship such as “buzz” from my family (and yeah that kind of sums it up). To point out a fact he had discussed breaking up a few weeks before but then made up his mind and said he wanted to be with me but then changed his mind the day after! He even slept with me twice just to break up with me a few hours later. This is so much more complicated than it sounds because he says he doesn’t want to have any contact with me until he’s “ready” but still calls me (to promptly say that he doesn’t want to talk to me) but after a few minutes he says he still loves me and always will, that he misses me etc. He has specifically told me that we are never going to get back together to later say that there might be a chance for it to happen. He constantly changes his mind and I’m extremely confused. He says that he wants to work on himself etc. but he loves me and so on, but at the same time ge updates his pictures on tinder. I don’t know what in the world I’m supposed to do because I still love him with all my heart…

    • Elizabeth Stone

      May 20, 2017 at 8:28 am

      Hi Sarah,

      What a difficult, excruciating situation. I suggest that you add more men to the picture by dating other people. Let your ex do his thing but make sure you particularly enjoy the company of other men. I know that’s simple but not easy advice. The thing is, your ex has no fear of actually losing you, which sounds bizarre but from his behavior it sounds like he knows you’re conquered, so he doesn’t feel like he has to worry.

      Make him worry.


        October 18, 2017 at 9:49 am

        This is actually easy.
        He his confused about his own feelings and emotions. He’s all over the place, because he is confused with himself, his feelings and he’s afraid to lose you, but on ther other hand he needs space to figure his life out. I would personally do the No Contact Rule for 30 days. Block him from calling, texting, reading anything on your Social sites and you have to stay strong and not give in. Just have no contact for 30 days. Don’t give in no matter what. He will miss you so much and he will realize what he has lost, how much he misses you andvhe will be back begging for you to forgive him and through this he will have grown up and he will see that you are a lot stronger than he ever thought you were and he won’t do this ever again. Because next time he just might losevyou for good.

  5. Dessy

    May 23, 2017 at 8:07 am

    Hello Sarah,

    My boyfriend and I broke up May 14th. And we talked again May 18th in person about the relationship. We have been together for 5 1/2 years there was no real reason for the break up. Our relationship has always been great. He explained that he loves me more than anything and I make him happy and that I have done absolutely nothing wrong that I’m perfect and an amazing girlfriend and everything he has ever wanted and so on. I know his feeling are true about me. I have never seen him cry ever and he teared up and cried while we were talking and it confirmed to me how much he cared. Basically we are very young early 20’s and what he said was that he sometimes thinks about being single because all his friends are and he doesn’t want me to get mad when he goes all the time ect and the other part of him loves me and wants to be with me and he feels like such an idiot for even doing this. I told him that I love him too but either we’re together or not I’m not just going to be his friend because that’ll hurt me more. I told him I needed to know if I should move on and leave out of state with my family. He said he just doesn’t know and he doesn’t want me to leave he loves me but is just conflicted. There was never really an answer he blushes and smiles every time he sees me says how cute and amazing I am and when I last saw him he gave me a huge long sweet hug and said I love you when I left and I said I love you back. I haven’t talked to him since then which was about 5 days ago I haven’t texted or called him that’s the longest we have ever gone without talking. I’m so conflicted because some people say give him space and time and he’ll come around but I feel like the longer I wait the more I lose him. At the same time I wish he would chase after me now but he’s a guy and well they don’t think the same. And the other part of me know how much he loves me and he said he’s happy when he’s with me. So I want to text him and try and reach out and say something like “I miss you and I love you and we make each other happy wish we could work things out” but I don’t know it’s so hard not doing anything and I don’t know what’s going on in his mind.

    Sorry is that was long I would sincerely appreciate a response.

    Much Love

    • Elizabeth Stone

      May 23, 2017 at 8:23 am

      Hi Dessy,

      I think your comment was aimed at me and not Sarah, the commenter above you?

      Anyway, here’s my take:

      5 days is NOTHING in breakup time. And, don’t reach out and tell him anything. I guarantee, he KNOWS you love him. He didn’t leave you because you don’t love him enough. You can’t make him change his mind by reassuring him of your feelings for him.

      Doing nothing right now is absolutely your best bet here, even though it’s literally the hardest thing. Distract yourself any way you can. Since it was his idea to lose you, it’s best to let him go so he can see what his decision to break up is like. 5 1/2 years is a long time. Men don’t forget about women they love, it’s just not the way it works.

      But, bring the focus back onto yourself and avoid serious, in-depth talks about the breakup with him from now on. You can’t convince him to decide the breakup was a bad idea, he has to do that on his own, with time and space.

  6. Sara

    June 1, 2017 at 8:08 am

    My ex and I split up mutually, he then told our child he had met someone new two weeks later ( I’m sure he overlapped a month maybe two before we split) upsetting her…asking her if she wanted to meet her? Our 12 year old was so distressed. Then decided to take this woman to our holiday home,and afew weeks later move in with her. She’s so opposite to me in every way…when he thought I was seeing someone he came round begging me not to see anyone else and if I did he would make sure he made it difficult.( I had two days of this) ..he’s rang my friends husbands numerous times asking what I’m doing, who I’m with, if I go out, got his sad sister to go through my Facebook to see who I’m talking to, and gone through a male friends Facebook page too….I’ve had phone calls where he questions what I’ve said to people,or wether he will let me keep my car ( he pays for at the moment) it’s been a nightmare. I love this man I’ve spent 22 years with but I don’t like what he’s doing. He questions our daughter about me,and is desperate for her to meet the new girlfriend. I’ve said to our daughter that when she is ready I will support her decision to meet the girlfriend. This was a man who idolised us,and I’m not naive to say our relationship was great because it wasn’t. I stopped sleeping with him two years prior,making excuse after excuse because I just didn’t fancy him any more. I know it’s the right thing to do, but I still love him. I might have tried to make a go of things had he not upset our daughter so much….why do I want him to feel as shit as I feel? Why, when I hear his name do I get so angry, I could burst? And he still blames me for everything saying I made him run into the arms I’d this woman….the nerve if the man. At the moment I’m doing NC, just for self preservation and to help me move forward. It suits me,but I know realistically I can’t always ignore him. I tried ringing my daughter last week whilst she was out with him, and he picked the phone up and started asking me so many questions….it’s tiresome,however I feel I’m being hijacked,because I know that whilst he’s with my daughter I can’t just put the phone down…that just sends out the wrong message.,and I love her so much. He’s helpful at times,but I feel like I’m going mad. I live in a small village so everyone knows what’s going on, it’s embarrassing…more so because no one has a nice word to say about the girlfriend. I choose to ignore it, because I will make my own mind up, but what’s the rush…I mean who moves in with someone after afew months? Any help would be appreciated…please tell me I’m doing the right thing,as far as my daughter is concerned…

    • Elizabeth Stone

      June 1, 2017 at 11:56 am

      Low to NC sounds good in your case since you need time to heal and seem so upset. As far as your daughter is concerned, try to be as kind to him as you can and as far as the other woman is concerned, try to ignore it.

      It’s time for hobbies, distractions, and things that make you happy. You need emotional distance from this situation.

  7. Toni

    June 4, 2017 at 5:56 am

    My ex & i broke up 2.5 months ago. This is the longest we’ve ever gone not communicating since we met 8yrs ago. He loves me very much but him & my childrens father hate one another with a passion. To the point of hurting each other. I love this man but if i choose him… My children will probably never accept him. Their father will try to turn them against me & him bcuz he feels as tho we messed around while him & i were still together. Which isnt true. Im so lost. He hasnt contacted me since April… I miss him so. But im normally always the one that reaches out to him & i need him to show me im worth it this time. Im ready to make a decision but i need to make sure its worth it! Its a big one to make. He understands the situation as well, i jus think he’s wanted me for so long that it hurts that we arent officially together. I dont kno what to do. How do i kno he’s worth it?? I know he loves me but at times like these…he never reaches out to me. Its like he jus waits for me to contact him & if i dont, we would probably never speak again.

  8. Allie

    June 4, 2017 at 11:43 am


    My ex broke up with me last month after only dating for one month. He came over to my house to tell me that he didn’t think things would work out between us. He had a bad relationship 4 years before dating me, making him insecure and distrusting of women. I tried my best to be understanding but it started taking a toll on our relationship. He felt like because I have guy friends that I might end up cheating on him like his ex girlfriend did. So he said to save himself from the potential heartbreak he decided to cut things off.

    I tried to reassure him that I was not like his ex and I told him he just needed to trust me and I understood it would take time to get to that point. However, he did not want to work it out. I was devastated because just a couple nights ago he stated ” even though we have different views, I want one message to ring through, you are an amazing person and I’m glad I met you”.

    Even though I was heart broken, I accepted his decision, we agreed to be friends and he hugged me tightly before he left my house. I got on facebook to change my relationship status to “single” and saw that he posted “After a long conversation , I am now single. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and I’m sorry things didn’t work out”. I thought it was ridiculous that he goes on social media to “thank me” and “apologize” for things not working out when he didn’t thank me while he was over my house and he didn’t even try to work anything out. he gave up so easily. I even had to delete him off snapchat because he was posting “woe is me. I’m single again” type pictures and it was annoying because he was making me out to be the bad guy when he was the one who ended things.

    A couple days later, I go over his house because we agreed to talk out everything so we can properly be friends with no hidden emotions. I listen to him go first about how he still wants me to be in his life because I am a great person, I deserve better than him, but maybe in the future we can try again. Then it is my turn to talk about my feelings, I start off with “the way you handled the break up was really immature. You didn’t have to go on social media etc”. He got PISSED. Him almost fighting back tears, he starts yelling at me saying I don’t acknowledge his feelings (even though I do). I tell him to stop yelling at me and talk to me like an adult (which pisses him off even more) and he kicks me out of his house around 1 am.

    Around 4 am, we’re angrily texting each other. He’s calling me a wh*re (even though I’ve never cheated on him. Wouldnt know when Id have the time to cheat when I was with him every single day…) I call him an insecure psycho. I google some relationship stuff and narcissism articles popped up and everything he was saying and doing described narcissism to a T. I sent him the links to the articles and told him that his behavior finally made sense and I had the closure I needed to move on.

    I didn’t text/call him after that. I told him I was deleting and blocking his phone number. He had deleted me off facebook. We have a mutual friend that we’re both really good friends with and this past weekend I saw him twice and I was totally indifferent towards him. I didn’t say anything to him or even really look in his direction. He was really surprised by that. Our mutual friend invited us out to a club a few days ago and when I showed up, he asked me how I was going. I kept it short, “pretty good”, and continued talking to my other friend. He then proceeds to tell me about his life and I just had a look of indifference on my face and nodded.

    Fast forward to later that night, I was plastered drunk dancing with other guys, he was not drunk but was dancing with girls. Seeing him with other girls didn’t bother me at all. He tried to make me jealous by talking with our friends about which girls were texting him and I chimed in saying oh cool! (mind you, drunk me is a very friendly person). I genuinely was supportive of him talking to other girls and it really shocked him.

    At the end of the night, I was so drunk, I was stumbling. He took it upon himself to “make sure I was safe and didn’t drive drunk”. I reassured him I wasnt going to drive drunk. I was just going to my car to wait for our mutual friend to take me home. He insisted on following me around to keep an eye on me. even sat in the car with me and took my keys from me. I jokingly said, “see? you still don’t want to trust me huh?”. he just looked away but still wouldn’t leave my side. even when i needed to use the restroom, he followed me to each restaurant to find an available restroom. Each time I kept telling him that him following me wasn’t necessary. My friend told him the same but he told my friend he “felt responsible for me”.

    Apparently a girl invited him to a bonfire that night and it was almost over so he got pissed off at my friends and I that we took too long to go. He yells “all I wanted to do was get laid by that girl tonight”! Drunk me, being supportive was like “just go ahead and text her saying you’re on your way! If she really wants to hook up, she’ll wait up!” For some unknown reason, he got SO pissed off when I said that. It looked like he was about to cry and actually starts banging his head on the middle armrest in our friends car.. My friend comes up and says “let’s go and give him some space”, my ex yells “she doesn’t get what space means!” Im like “huh?” he follows me around for a whole hour and yet im the one that wont give him space?

    Why is me being supportive of him talking to other girls so upsetting to him when he was the one who broke up with me and stated we needed to see other people? Why does it make him so upset that I dont care what he does anymore? He’s telling our friends that he doesnt want to be around me and im irritating but I dont even say anything to him or even look at him when we’re all hanging out under normal circumstances…

    I just want to be able to hang out with my friends and not worry if he’s going to freak out on me even when I try to distance myself from him. Is he possibly not over me?

  9. Unknown

    June 20, 2017 at 10:59 am

    My ex and i ended on bad terms he was leading me on and ended up dating someone in less than a few days after the break up, at first he liked all my instagram pictures but i stopped liking his pictures since the day we broke up cause he blocked me after leading me on and also unblocked me after that and now he’s stopped liking all my pics too. Weirdly, is that he always appears where I’ve been a few days before, for example if I’ve gone somewhere, the few days after I’d see him snapping the same place I’ve been, he seems happy with his gf so i wonder why?It’s not that i like him but i just hate him for leading me and cheating on me.

  10. Forresst D

    June 27, 2017 at 11:48 am

    What if you DONT want him back, but you don’t want to upset him…? (He keeps calling me baby)

  11. Tyesha

    August 12, 2017 at 12:09 am

    My story is long

  12. Latrisha

    August 13, 2017 at 5:42 pm

    I was done with my ex.. i blocked him from everything, but he emailed me this long nasty message that triggered a response. I went to his house to talk about it and ended up staying there.. and sleeping with him.. the next day i went back for some jewelry that i had forgotten and saw the same woman he cheated on me with there.. drinking with him. I was furious. Why does it hurt so much? Once i blocked him, i was free and i didnt even think about him. And now he has figured out a way to real himself back into my life and i cant stop thinking about him.

    • Elizabeth Stone

      August 18, 2017 at 9:37 am

      It hurts so much because… pheromones. Since you had detoxed before seeing him, you stirred all of those chemical reactions back up when you went over to talk.

  13. Sherry

    August 14, 2017 at 8:01 pm

    I’ve been out of a 30 year relationship for about 8 years. We have 2 grown kids and grandchildren. He is the one who wanted out of our marriage. We see each other at our kids family gatherings for birthdays, holidays etc., and we’re very civil. I’ve never had another relationship. He has had short term relationships. In public if he sees me talking to another man, he will approach us and ask who the guy is. What does this mean?

    • Elizabeth Stone

      August 18, 2017 at 9:36 am

      It probably means he’s simply curious about you. You are still a significant part of his life, so it’s normal for someone to wonder what’s going on and continue to be a little territorial.

  14. Serenity420

    August 17, 2017 at 2:37 pm

    I’ve been dating this guy for about 8 months. We’ve been friends for years but never dated. When we met i was married and so was he. I married for love and got cheated on, he got married love but she didnt love him. When we first started dating we talked alll the time about everything. it was like getting my best friend back in my life.Granted i have 2 kids. a 2 yr old and a 1 yr old but he loves my lil girls just as much as i do. We are great together. We want the same things and we’re going the same direction. Im an artist and he’s a scientist. I got out the navy almost 3 years ago but he’s still in. He doesnt get out till 2019. Im happily divorced but he is still married. He told her about me and my kids and said he thinks he’s found the one. According to him she’s happy for us but according to his mom she’s a jealous control freak. He says that they have been split since early 2014. His wife doesnt have facebook anymore. He said he doesn’t like to have bad blood with anyone and they were good friends before they got together and he wanted to stay friends. He also said they barely talk and when they do, it’s only texting. He said he doesn’t love her and doesn’t have any feelings for her ut he still cares cuz shes his frnd. He also said he promised her supposedly before we got together that he was gonna go to her graduation which is in Florida. Much farther from where I am. He was supposed to come here to visit me and the kids but kept changing his plans and saying he didnt have the money to come see me but has the money to go to his ex’s graduation. I’ve never doubted him and always trusted him until he did that. We talked all the time. so much that he didn’t have time to cheat even if he tried but he’s not that type of guy. He’s very honest no matter what. Even if it hurts your feelings but when it came to his ex it was like walking on egg shells. After talking to him about how I felt and him telling me that i have nothing worry about I dropped it. His mom called and even told me about his ex and how she was verbally abusive to him and how she never loved him and she was just using him for money. He even told me they never had sex. He said they fooled around but never actually had sex before nor after they got married. He wants a family and kids and to live out west, travel, etc. She doesn’t want a family nor kids and she wants to live overseas. I asked him if you knew shes didn’t want a family and kids then why did you marry her. He said he thought he could how her how great it would be and then maybe she would change her mind. He told me everything and I didn’t ask him to.After that things were great and we had our normal convos and talked about everything and anything from politics to the kids to the future etc. I didn’t mind him going to her graduation. The plan was he was supposed to come to sc, we pack up my car and the kids, drive down to Florida, go to her gradution, leave there and go to his dad’s house which is 2 hours away, get his stuff, and then keep going west. After we started making plans to move to California, everything was set. He told me multiple times a day how happy I made him and bragged to his family and friends about me and my kids that he referred to as our kids. Treating them like his own. I’m currently residing in sc till dec when we move to California. He is stationed in California already so he was going to set up a place for us. Both of our colleges are there and i have a job waiting for me. it was perfect until about 3 weeks ago. My phone was off for 3 days because I forgot to pay my bill so we didn’t get to talk much. Once I got my phone turned back on, he told me that he asked his ex wife if she had extra graduation tickets, he said she said no. I already knew she lied to him because the fall semester hasn’t even started yet and graduation tickets aren’t given until a month before. So she doesn’t even know how many she has. I didn’t have a problem with her until she lied to him and I don’t like liars. If she looks at him as just a friend then what’s wrong with your friend bringing a guest. she wasn’t going to see us. It was just convient for us all to go to make it in one trip so we wouldn’t back track and spend more money. Ever since he got that answer he was acting strange and about a week later he asked if we could take a break from dating each other. I asked why and he said he wants to be stable and figure himself out. Naturally I was devastated and heartbroken. I went to my besties for advice and all they said was forget him focus on your kids. I always focus on my kids all the time but why cant I focus on myself too and have a life and a bf future hubby. Since we split, we didnt talk for about a week.I saw a post that reminded me of him and I shared it on fb but i didn’t tag him in it. He liked and commented on it. Ever since then we have been talking everyday. Nothing like we used to and every once in awhile he calls me and we talk for like 5 or 6 hours straight. He still tells me everything. He told me he trust me and cares about me alot but he doesn’t love me anymore. I still love him and I know he knows but I didn’t bring up the breakup until he said that he wants to be a father figure or a male influence on my kids lives. I asked him why is that and he said are you gonna be around and I said yes as long as God allows me I’ll always be around and here for my kids. Then he said then I’ll be there for them too. No parent especially a mother should have to do it alone. He told he loves my kids and thinks they’re great kids. Which had me confused because if he wants to be a father to my children but then says he dooesn’t love me anymore, why would he want to be be there for me n them and why is it that his ex seems to be an influence on his decision. His words say he only wants to be best friends right now but his actions sometimes show he really cares about us, like he has feelings for me, and even still loves me, but he’s fighting it. He says he doesn’t think he’s good enough for us but he is way more than enough. Please help me with some answers because I am confused by his words and his actions.

  15. Toni

    August 23, 2017 at 1:36 am

    I was drinking on the weekend and my ex is now in a relationship with another woman that been dating for a month now and I was drinking on the weekend and he ended up in the same party I was when I went up to him he started to kiss me I told him if he still loves me and he reply what if I don’t anymore I got so upset than went off I really don’t know

  16. Jade

    August 27, 2017 at 6:31 am

    I have been living with my boyfriend for nearly 4 years, and I have finally had to face the truth: He still loves his ex and if she clicked her fingers I know he would go running back to her (she left him for another guy). He constantly reassures me that I am the one he TRULY loves and wants to be with…..but sometimes I see him staring in to the distance or listening to a particular love song…..and I just KNOW that he is thinking of her. He used to talk about her CONSTANTLY until I threatened to end our relationship because I was sick of hearing about this Woman.
    For me it is VERY painful, because this Man is the love of my life and I don’t want to live without him…..but sadly SHE is the love of HIS life……

  17. april

    September 2, 2017 at 12:04 am

    My ex does almost everything on that list except drunk dial and have a new girlfriend. He left me a month ago after a period of arguments and lack of communication. We have a 10 month old son together. He text me back always and we have recently been talking more. I know he misses me and I miss him.. I feel like I lost my best friend. He talks about the breakup all the time and now seems upset that I am doing ok. I am not doing ok.. I just put on a brave face because I don’t want to break down in front of him but all I really want to do is call him tell him how much I love him but I simply can’t bear the thought of him rejectimg me. When he left it broke ny heart so I feel like I have no choice but to move on. I don’t want to but I dont know what to do or say to fix us. He is the love of my life and I just want my family back. I am lost and alone right now. I really do want to be with him but my ego is so fagile right now. Anyone have any advice? I wish I wasn’t so scared of rejection.. I really feel like he loves me but he doesn’t say it. He told me its hard to see me and not wanna hold me and love on me. I couldn’t bring myself to say I wanted that to.. When he left he said to let him go.. That’s the only reason I don’t pursue him.. We didnt speak for a couple weeks but he seems suprised that I have made improvements for myself almost suprised and he said it hurts him that I am doing better without him. The truth is that I am not it is all a show so he doesn’t see my pain.. Should I have a sit down with him and confess that I am very much in love still or just let him go like he said when he left? I am pretty desperate for some advice. I honestly love this man with all my heart.. I want my family back and I know he misses his son as he only sees him on weekends now. This is his first and only child. We are both 35 so we aren’t young people.

  18. Barb

    September 5, 2017 at 2:32 pm

    My ex and I have been together for 9 months. The last three months was long distance he is in Canada I’m in USA, but he broke up with me two days ago which was a week after I came back.
    When we first met we know we were meant for each other, we were in extreme happiness and we plan for our future together. We have small fights here and there but we always handled it well.
    When I first went to USA, things were going badly. I started complain to him a lot and he tried really hard to give me advice. It was like that for a month, and I started to noticed that we don’t skype as often. I reached out to him and told him i should stop complaining to him. But he said he wanted to know if i’m happy or not, he is there for me. So i thought everything is fine. But in July our skype frequency went down to once a week and he didn’t contact me for two days at all. So i sent him messages talking about I’m feeling insecure about things (sort of like doubting the relationship because of the loss in contact but said in a harsh way). After that he avoid me: not reply my message for few days, skype one every two weeks.
    The day i came back, we had a talk just to let all our feelings out. He said he needed a break, but a week later he message me saying he was burnt out from the relationship and call it a stop.
    When i went to his place to pack up my stuff, he cried so hard. He hugged me, we kissed many many times and he said he loves me many times.
    I know the angry me was just a temporary stage and now i’m back in my old life and things will get better. I still want to be with him and don’t know what to do. we didn’t contact each other after the break up.

  19. Danielle Ranucci

    October 18, 2017 at 5:05 pm

    I’m sorry but I don’t see you encouraging ANY of the previous posters in any way that they CAN get their ex back. Isn’t this what you’re stating you have a formula for? I’m not judging, just confused. It seems as though you see nothing but dead ends.

    • Elizabeth Stone

      October 18, 2017 at 5:20 pm

      Hi Danielle,

      It’s not that I only see dead ends for these relationships— quite the contrary. It’s just that the advice I provide here is only snippets, tailored to individual situations when I have the opportunity to respond. Also, what works to get someone back is often quite counterintuitive.

      Hope that helps.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *